It’s that time of year again when we do our crazy predictions - the kind that have nothing to do with the outcome of DWTS. Besides, we already did that, and if you read our previous blog (of course, you did) you know that we think Tristan and Dorothy can win Season 16. This particular post is all about our very special predictions about the couples, the dances, and other random stuff. Crazy things happen during any DWTS season, and this will be no exception. So here are our 16 crazy predictions that just might happen to be accurate.
1. Sean Lowe of The Bachelor will be Celebrity 12, and Peta will be his partner. What? Stunner? Shocking? Worst. Kept. Secret. Ever.
2. Tristan and Dorothy will not get the pimp spot Week 1. In fact, we would be stunned if they ever get it. Statistics are against them; in 3 seasons as a pro, Tristan and his celebrity have NEVER had the pimp spot, and that annoys us like you would not believe.
3. Gleb will take his shirt off. Val will take his shirt off and have it unbuttoned at least 70% of the time he is on the show. Derek will take his shirt off. Mark and Tony may or may not take their shirts off. Tristan will not take his shirt off. Have to keep the mystery alive.
4. Val will not be able to go cold turkey on the shirt wearing (see previous prediction) and Zendaya will be blushing more than a few times. We predict at least one dance where Val is completely shirtless, or pantsless, or even shoeless. The man has to take off some form of clothing during the season or else he will collapse into himself like a dying star.
5. Mark and Aly will have a Nightmare Before Christmas themed tango complete with Aly dressed up as an emo rag doll. Mark will wear spats…and probably Aly too. Nah, we might not have the Nightmare Before Christmas thing but we can just about guarantee the spats in duplicate.
6. More than a few southern zingers will be made by Wynonna Judd during rehearsals. "Kiss My Grits," "Hold Your Horses," and "Butter my buns and call me a biscuit" are likely to make the cut. Same with Kellie and Derek. Tony (and Derek) will just nod and laugh and not have a clue what these ladies are talking about. If that isn’t enough, SWAT and Shakes (that would be us for you newcomers) will increase their use of the word “y’all” to epic proportions. And if you think we’re making fun of the accent, au contraire. We are both Southern belles who love to bring out our accents whenever and wherever possible. It's just our natural state so deal with it, y'all.
7. DWTS will find at least one opportunity during Dorothy and Tristan's many rehearsals to get Tristan into skates and film him on the ice. We personally worry for Tristan's safety because Dorothy is an itty bitty thing and can’t haul him around the way Evan Lysacek hauled Anna around on the ice in Season 10. But then again, it's probably not a problem because Tristan can do anything and would probably master skating in no time. Or at least be able to skate around the ice without falling too many times on his keister.
8. Jacoby Jones will do at least one touchdown dance when he and Karina are called safe during the Week 1 results show. Assuming they are called safe during the Week 1 results show.
9. Victor will spend a lot his time flirting with Lindsay. No further explanation needed.
10. Lisa will have Gleb choreograph Giggy into one of their dances before the season is over and Giggy will get a perfect 30. Lisa and Gleb probably will not.
11. Tristan will find a way to somehow incorporate a Hamill Camel into a performance, and it will bring a whole passel of tens (or maybe just three which is sufficient).
12. Aly will do at least 6 gymnastics moves before the season is over. So will Mark, and as long as he doesn't do them in gym shorts reminiscent of Season 8, we can live with it. But remember. No. Lifts.
13. Andy Dick will surprise us all, and Sharna will prove that she is a worthy pro.
14. D.L. will have the “deer in the headlights” look but he will put together a couple of nice performances early - to everyone’s surprise.
15. Lindsay and Victor will win the Season 16 DWTS First Runner-Up Cuteness Award. Any other season they would be the winners of such a prestigious honor. This time it goes to the King and Queen of Cute – Tristan and Dorothy.
16. Kym and Ingo will surprise everybody with a death-defying contemporary that makes everybody else (except Tristan and Dorothy, of course) look like babies. Have you seen their rehearsal photos?? They will also win the Cheryl Burke/William Levy Turn Up the Heat Award because Kym and Ingo are already sizzling and they haven't danced yet. Ice should be kept handy.
17. Because we couldn’t stop at 16...Tristan and Dorothy will have the highest score Week 1 or Week 2. Count on it. What else would you expect from an ice skating legend and our favorite pro?