Music is in our blood. Dance is in our veins, or something like that. Perhaps we just like music, or maybe we just like watching a certain Irish dancer dance. Whatever the reason, this week we are going to give you a little musical interlude; we will fuel your imagination by giving you our version of some classic song titles with a little something extra added to each of them in order to give it our own unique twist. Each one is destined for the SWAT and Shakes Music Hall of Fame. Okay, so we don't really have a Hall of Fame, but we do have very strange senses of humor and minds that work in unusual ways. We haven’t decided yet who will record these updated versions of some classic tunes, but we’re pretty sure Tristan will want to dance (or sing) to each and every one. It would be foolish to pretend that these aren’t Tristan inspired, but that inspiration took us in some very odd directions. Therefore, each should be taken with a grain of salt and a shot of Irish Whiskey - or Kentucky bourbon – or maybe just a cup of tea with milk.
Just for a good example of what you are going to be subjected to – here is Exhibit A:
“Crazy” is kind of how we feel after tossing out so many idiotic blog ideas that we are officially brain dead
And now we begin with our Tristan-inspired song choices. Who knew that we had such creative minds?
"I Need To Know"...that you [Tristan] will continue to move those hips like that because it is just awe-inspiring. Alternate Title: “I Need to Know” that Tristan is coming back for Season 15 and NOT dancing with Kate Gosselin, and I need to know it STAT
"Livin' La Vida Loca" in Las Vegas and everything that happens there stays there, and we’re not tellin’ any of it
"You Sang to Me"...or maybe it was the earth moving after you [Tristan] did the Samba. Oh wait, maybe it was you humming the “bop bop bop" when Nancy was dancing…
“A Little Less Conversation A Little More Action Please” as we begin my private Samba lesson because my attention will be focused on hips. Hips. Hips…okay....conversation with you is pretty good too as long as you speak in that sexy brogue
“Fever”…or maybe it’s just a hot flash before, during and after the Rumba
“Breathe” … yeah, you keep saying that but I have to gasp for oxygen not because of the exertions of my dancing but because of watching you while you Samba
“Say My Name” or anything close to it please, or just call me “Beautiful” or just call me….my number is…
“Amazed” is what I am when I watch your hips move because I’m shallow like that
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun” which is why we’re on our way to the Tropicana Las Vegas
“You Shook Me All Night Long” or so I wish……
"Underneath Your Clothes" will remain a mystery because you won't indulge us and take your shirt off
"When I See You Smile" I know you're up to no good
"The Man In The Mirror" is telling you that you need to grow your hair out again. [Disclaimer: This title was created before we saw the bedhead explosion from NY. We are rethinking it at this time]
"Sunday Bloody Sunday" is what it is as we wait and wait to hear what song you'll be dancing to
"My Humps" will make you accidentally throw your back out during our dance lesson
"I Hope You Dance" and please make sure and shake your tailfeather in the process
"Santa Baby", please bring me the ILD for Christmas
"I'm a Genie in a Bottle" and I can't get out so why don’t you get in here with me, Tristan?
"Freeway Of Love" rolls straight into Vegas
"Hungry Like The Wolf" and drooling like a MacManiac
"My Boyfriend's Back" and he's wearing sexy suspenders
“Vision of Love”, or perhaps it was me, in my delusional state thinking that you were dancing that Rumba with me…
“I’ll Be” the frosting on the cake, the garlic in your spaghetti, the sweet-n-low in your coffee….
“One Week” - that’s all we’re asking. One week of you doing nonstop Samba…
“We’re Not Gonna Take It” if Tristan ever loses another Design A Dance - It's an injustice, it’s wrong, and we need to see more Samba. Or Paso. Or Tango.
“Do You Really Want To Hurt Me” by not choosing me for the dance lesson and instead choosing to dance the rumba/waltz/samba hybrid with SWAT?
“Start Me Up” if you think you have to but I doubt it will be necessary after seeing you dance anything
“I will Survive” the Samba but I am not sure I will survive seeing Tristan MacManus doing the Samba
“Should I Stay or Should I Go” or perhaps I should just move to Vegas for the summer
“Viva Las Vegas” [yeah, well, this one is self-explanatory]
"Tonight's the Night" that I get carpal tunnel syndrome from all night voting
"Time After Time" I need a Tristan fix
"Livin' On A Prayer" that I won’t barf before the Season 15 cast is announced
"Walk Like an Egyptian" dance like an Irishman
"Love is a Battlefield" and so is being frustratingly single. Or frustratingly married [which your 2 Nobel prize winning authors are. Not to each other though]
"Cruel Summer" is an understatement. The waiting…and waiting... suck
"Every Breath You Take" Every hip you shake, every leaf you rake, every cake you bake, every ice cream cone you make, I'll be watching you on you tube
"Fight For Your Right" to boycott dance duels and marathon dances
"Whip it" Flip it, Skip it. Dip it, real good
"Losing My Religion" to a sexy, humble, Irish ballroom dancer doin' the Samba
"Killing Me Softly" with that terrible haircut
"Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover", and every other woman in the world wants the same...
"Sex And Candy" or Tristan and Chocolate. We can't decide
“You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” …that was just my hip popping out during the Cha Cha lesson
“Tearin’ up my heart” or throwing out my back doing the jive with Tristan
“Come Clean” You know you've signed you're name “Mrs. (insert your name here) MacManus in really pretty calligraphy
“Pour Some Sugar On Me”…but since I don’t know what that means, give me a big fat Irish smooch
“I Love Rock ‘N Roll” as well as Irish ballroom dancers with the last name MacManus
"Whole Lot Of Shakin’ Going On" but what was shaking wasn’t supposed to be so I probably need to use one of the DWTS workout dvds
"Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"...or maybe it was my eyes…or maybe my contact lens just got all steamed up because of all of that HEAT
"A Whiter Shade of Pale" means that my pasty white skin is more pasty white than yours.
"Sympathy for the Devil" or sympathy for Tristan for getting stuck dancing with either one of us
"For What It’s Worth" Tristan said neither of us can dance worth a damn
"Kicks"…."no no no", he said, "there are no kicks in the Rumba"
"You Can’t Always Get What You Want"….and besides we aren’t allowed to say what we want
And there you have it - the SWAT and Shakes Top 55 hits. Why 55? Well, it's fairly simple. We started throwing out songs, had to delete some because our new titles were too stupid, had to delete some because we would have gotten in big trouble and been forced to spend many years in yonder dungeon, and had to delete some because they just didn't make sense and ultimately, we ended up with about 55. Of course, the songs on this list all make perfect sense. If a title seems a little long to you? Don't worry about it because being creative geniuses, we took some creative liberties (that means we just spouted stuff off because we felt like it). So we encourage you to use your imagination and get a clear visual of Tristan dancing to any of this keepers (or maybe singing them too) and then pick a favorite. You can let us know what it is - or not - in case we have recording contracts in our respective futures.