Photos tell a story; sometimes it’s a good story, and sometimes it’s a horror story. Now we aren’t going to be so bold as to say that any of the cast photos had “horror” anywhere in their plot line, but we will venture on and say that some of them didn’t tell a story at all. Some of the photos do indeed tell stories, and some of those are more interesting than others. The following explains what we see as the good, the bad, and the just plain boring stories along with the non-existent stories behind the cast photos.
First we will talk in general about the photos, and then we will get down to the nitty-gritty. In more precise terms, that means we will talk about every single cast photo and analyze it until you want to kick us.
What we like about the new cast photos: The glitter, the sparkle, and the attempt at pyrotechnics are a nice change from the drab white background we are used to.
What we don't like about the new cast photos: Most of the women look like they are dressed for a big night out at the middle school prom.
Lisa and Gleb
What we noticed: This photo is boring. Gleb is awkward – why are his legs something like twelve feet apart? Lisa is disconnected. Maybe they will have chemistry, but you certainly can’t tell it here. We think they might (might being the operative word) be able to turn up the sexy a little bit, but this one still says early exit to us. It might be a height issue, but we still think Sasha would have been the one to make Lisa laugh and loosen her up – and might even get her to leave the dog at home with the dog-sitter.
Lisa's Photo: It looks more like she's scratching her head and wondering where Giggy is than thinking about a Foxtrot.
Gleb's Photo: He's really purdy.
Aly and Mark
What we noticed: They look sweet - homecoming dance sweet but not in the homecoming dance sense that they are going with each other. This is probably the most awkward team photo yet. Aly is thinking about her last balance beam routine and Mark is thinking that he has to hurry up and finish up so he can visit his tattoo artist. Both are passive and bored, and there is a giant shadow cutting off half of Aly's face. If this is a glimpse of how their energy and chemistry? Not interested.
Aly's Photo: She looks more confident when she's standing in a semi-warrior stance by herself than when she is in hold with Mark.
Mark's Photo: Don't know if it's the giant black earrings or the satin jacket, but he looks like he stepped off the set of Pretty in Pink.
Victor and Lindsay
What we noticed: These two are actually dressed like they belong on this show, and they are color coordinated, which is a plus. The problem is that while it is better than Gleb and Lisa's and Aly and Mark's photos, they still don’t seem like a team. Victor is basically showing off the guns and pointing to himself while Lindsay tries to look ladylike while crouching on the floor and making us wonder if we’re going to see more than we’re supposed to see. Just a thought.
Victor's Photo: Yup, you're a boxer...and they have you putting up your dukes.....next.
Lindsay's Photo: Looks like Lindsay wants to give Peta a run for her money as the new hot blonde female pro, but we just don’t see someone her age pulling it off. Let's just hope she stays sweet. Fun and flirty will sell it. We’re not convinced she’s ready for DWTS, and this photo doesn't help the cause.
Derek and Kellie
What we noticed: Anyone else feel like this photo is forced? For two people who have been telling everyone and their grandmama how much fun they are going to have this season, we’re missing the connection. Even though Kellie's form looks great in this pose (really great!), her expression tells a different story. She doesn't seem comfortable. And Derek's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" pose is overkill, and we’re pretty sure we’ve seen it before – 40 or 50 previous seasons. If these two are planning on being the fun, goofy couple this year that might work, and we hope it does, then need to kick it up a notch. This photo looks like either/or might pull something important in the musculature department.
Kellie's Photo: Pretty girl, but we just don't get why they have her staring off into the distance. Is she thinking about Shamrock Shakes or the fact that she really, really wanted Tristan MacManus as her partner.
Derek's Photo: He looks like he's thinking "ABC is making me dance this year." Not even a grin on his face...he looks like he wants to go to McDonald’s too.
Jacoby and Karina
What we noticed: These two are going to be fun. So far they are one of the few couples that are interacting and making things interesting. He's showing that he has the strength to do some serious lifts, and Karina's smile shows that she's happy with her partner. The chemistry is good, and you can tell that they are going to be a formidable team. This is one of our top three team photos; they might not be able to be convincingly sexy, but they are convincingly fun, and their team photo just might be our favorite ever. We don’t even care that it’s not a dance pose – it just reeks of fun, and fun is what we want to see this season.
Jacoby's Photo: Cool and confident. We wish his arms weren't folded because it closes off his personality a bit, but we still like it.
Karina's Photo: She's sexy and she knows it. Period.
Dorothy and Tristan
What we noticed: This was the ONLY photo out of the bunch where they are actually looking at one another. There is a clear connection here and their pose brings back some old Hollywood charm. Fred and Ginger anyone? These two have chemistry, and it has nothing to do with sensuality at this point. They are a team, they are committed to one another, and judging from this photo, this is going to be a fabulous journey.
Dorothy's Photo: Try describing this photo and not use the word "graceful". She's glowing. Out of all of the female celebrities this is the best cast photo. She looks like she's posing at the end of a Gold Medal winning routine. Absolutely stunning.
Tristan's Photo: Boy do we miss Season 13. This is our charming, boyish, Irish gentleman and we've never seen him look happier. Oh yeah...the bedhead is back with a vengeance.
Zendaya and Val
What we noticed: Even when she's got her knees bent and doing whatever move that is, she is still taller than Val. By a lot. They leaning away from each other and Zendaya looks like she's enjoying herself a little too much. Val doesn't look like Val at all. He looks like he doesn't have a clue of what he's going to do dancing with someone this young.
Zendaya's Photo: She's doing a vintage pinup pose which looks cute. Too bad she's got a sex kitten expression on her face in the team photo, and someone that age should be someone that age and not a sex kitten.
Val's Photo: Val looks a little more like himself in this photo, but he doesn't have the twinkle in his eye. His shirt is buttoned up higher than it's ever been, and we know he’s not happy about that. It’s probably choking him.
D.L. and Cheryl
What we noticed: Cheryl looks like she's on an uncomfortable blind date. Her body language tells us she wants to cut and run, and D.L. is just doing what he knows how to do best and that is giving us a goofy look on his face. They could have done a charming dance pose for this photo but the camera didn’t capture that. The standing there thing isn’t really working.
D.L.'s Photo: D.L. just looks like a nice dude. We love the glasses and the winning smile. We really want him to stay in this a while, but he’s going to have to get some chemistry with his partner or it will be a very quick “adios.”
Cheryl's Photo: Nothing particularly special about this photo. She looks good, but it’s not going to knock anybody’s socks off.
Kym and Ingo
What we noticed: For two people that look so good together, they are cutting off their chemistry by not posing closer in hold. Ingo looks awkward - like he hasn't quite figured this all out, but he's trying and has a nice smile on his face. There's not the warmth that we predicted with these – at least judging by this photo. No worries though, team photo aside, these two are pretty enough to get by.
Ingo's Photo: We like his foot placement in this photo. There's a subtle flair to his stance. But the shadows on his face make his eyes dark which makes him look tired. And what, no smile? Oh wait. Maybe that was supposed to be the smolder. You might want to work on that, Ingo.
Kym Photo: Not quite sure how we feel about this one. There's something offbeat about it. She should have been looking at the camera instead of looking off Lisa's dog, Giggy who is probably distracting her.
Tony and Wynonna
What we noticed: Not only is Wynonna covered head to toe, but she is basically hiding behind Tony in the shadows. Tony looks comfortable, well, maybe. Tony needs to show off his partner. Where’s the interaction?
Wynonna's Photo: She has so many striking features and this photo is just ‘blah.’
Tony's Photo: It's like he's thinking "Ahhhh....I miss last season.”
Sharna and Andy
What we noticed: We like this photo a lot. Again, it's one of the few team photos where you can actually see the team chemistry, and these two look very happy to be paired up. They are having fun, they have the right attitude, and there’s no arrogance. Sharna has been sticking by her celebrity and enjoying the moment.
Andy's Photo: You're not fooling us a bit with that surly look, Andy. We know you are just loving this.
Sharna's Photo: Gorgeous, confident, and great hair. Welcome to the pros, Sharna Burgess.
Peta and Sean
What we noticed: That's the problem. We were ready to publish this blog and realized we only had 11 couples and it took us an hour to figure out who we left out. Then we tried to find their photos on ABC.com and couldn't. Oopsies.
Sean's Photo: We found his photo which looks like he had been photo-shopped onto the background. Nothing interesting. Neither of us watch The Bachelor so we don't know squat about him. Let's hope he's more interesting than the photo or it may be lights out.
Peta's Photo: What photo? Can't find one. That doesn't bode well for this team.
Our top team picks based on what we've seen in the photos.
1. Dorothy and Tristan: Best chemistry, best interaction, best solo photos, best all around. These two are a photographer’s dream team.
2. Andy and Sharna: Great partnership, and while they may not go very far in the competition, they have the right attitude, spark, and chemistry for the photos.
3. Jacoby and Karina: Fun, different, unique. Love the photos.
This doesn’t mean we are picking these as our top three, but it means that the photos tell a big story and we love the story these three told. What story? It’s all about the fun, and isn’t that how it should be?