April 1, 2013 NEW PREDICTIONS – subject to change every week. Take these with a grain of salt. We will change our minds about 3,000 times before the end of the season but based on two weeks of performances, rehearsal footage, and gut feeling, this is what we think. Excuse the rambling but that's how we roll when things annoy us. And lots of things annoy us these days.
Kellie and Derek – They are going to win it, and other than the frequent Derek promotion (after all, he wasn’t even supposed to be here, but if he wasn’t, shouldn't Kellie have gone to Henry or Gleb or another new pro? – but no, that’s not right either– you have to pay some dues before getting the best dancer). Kellie is the best dancer, and as much as we're not crazy about it, Derek got her as his partner probably just because she is such a good dancer. That being said, she is likable albeit a little slow on the holding attention factor, and I don’t think she and Derek have any real believable chemistry (she does; he doesn’t), but since when has that stopped him from winning? Nobody seems to care about the chemistry factor but us, so they will win.
Jacoby and Karina – As far as dancing skills go, we would say Jacoby is somewhere about the bottom one-half. We are not impressed, but he will go far, far, far for no reason other than he is huge in the football world right now, and we all know how that ends up. WE don’t think Donald was the best his season, and we don’t think Hines was either, but we are not going to ignore the football block of votes. Might as well face, it, we’re addicted to football. Yes, we stole those lyrics from Robert Palmer and took a few liberties. What else is new?
Ingo and Kym – They are quiet. They are minding their own business. They are non-controversial. They are also getting better. Week 1 was weak, but Week 2, Ingo’s smile told a big story even though the dancing was just okay. They also have the General Hospital fan base behind them and honestly we think that’s what kept Kelly in the competition last season, and she was a whole lot less personable than Ingo. If we vote for anybody this season, it will likely be them.
Zendaya and Val – Strike 1 – She’s 16 years old, and we don’t think anything that young should be on DWTS. There is no way to make the sexiness believable without being “ewwy” and Val is all about selling the sex. Strike 2 – 16 or not, she has decades (seemingly) of experience behind her and she is a very, very good dancer, but in all honesty, we think Kellie is better. And we think Kellie has more votes. Strike 3: We do think ABC will do all they can to keep her in it, but we don’t feel the connection between Zendaya and Val. We like her; we think she’s mature for her age, but she’s 16, not 25. We think top five is a stretch, but we think ABC’s constant pimping of their Disney kids is getting old and a lot of people are tired of it. And Val just isn’t the right pro for her either. Then we get miffed when we remember that Val's partner last season was another ABC celebrity, and the pimping went on all season long. That gets tiresome.
Aly and Mark- Dang it, we want to like them, but we do not see any personality here, and there is zero chemistry. One of us (you can probably guess which one) was never, ever a Shawn Johnson fan. Not in Season 8. Not in Season 15, but at least Shawn showed something occasionally that was fun. Aly’s monotone drives us crazy, and every time she says anything, it’s like she’s reading a script. Boring. It doesn’t mean they won’t finish high, but it does mean that we think they are just not interesting and thus, will not win over a massive fan base.
Sean and Peta – First of all, this Murgalo crap is driving us crazy. Not sure if they think they are going to get a billion you tube hits – ala Gangnam Style, but the gimmick is old, tiresome, and embarrassingly obvious. Facts are facts. He can’t dance, and she’s doing an awful lot of showboating.
Tony and Wynonna – The dancing isn’t good (yet) and last week’s Quickstep made us frown more than once. The theme was just too over the top and we really want to see a Quickstep that is a Quickstep and not a Quickstep that is a prop-infused, costume disaster that leaves us grimacing in pain, and grimacing for them because they really crossed the line – not in a good way. Anyway. She’s popular. That’ll keep them in a couple more weeks.
Andy and Sharna - Andy is getting by on sympathy votes at this point, and we actually are enjoying this ride. Sharna is also good at this pro business. Now if she would focus more on the dance and less on the props and gimmicks, she could move to the top of the class, but not with Andy. The thing is that we watch the dancing and not the props, and while the props were clever and the theatrics were good but this isn’t Broadway, the movies, or a play off-Broadway, so when we muted the tv and just watched the dancing, we saw a lot lacking. A few more weeks at best for them and only because the bottom half of the cast is created equal. There isn’t much difference between Andy/Sharna, Sean/Peta, Tony/Wynonna, Lindsay/Victor, Gleb/Lisa, and D.L./Cheryl. They are interchangeable. Pick any one and they will be gone. It’s a toss-up, and it doesn’t really matter to us who goes or who stays.
Gleb and Lisa – So far we think Gleb is pretty, Lisa is more fun than we ever thought, but Gleb is not the right pro for Lisa. They aren’t connecting (notice a trend?) and the pink is turning my stomach. All we can think of is Barbie, bubblegum, or Pepto Bismol and that is not a good combination. Eventually American television audiences will agree. Had fate not intervened, they might have been the Week 2 casualty but at best, they will be here until Week 5 and that’s being generous.
Lindsay and Victor - They should have been gone Week 2. Not a doubt in my mind that they were destined to hit the trail first until Dorothy Hamill saved their butts. Victor is adorable but the rehearsal meltdown wasn’t so good, and Lindsay didn’t handle it very well. She’s too young, and there are several other pros better suited for Victor. Buh bye.
D.L. and Cheryl – We think they are the first to be voted off. Why? Because by ABC’s logic, at least one team in the bottom two one week will probably be good the next week. It’s all about shock value. Not that it’s a shock, but he and Cheryl aren’t really winning anybody over, they are fun but not chemical, he can’t dance, and she’s about pushed as hard as she can. I think it’s destiny. They are toast.
Right now, this is how we see the final two.
Runner-up: Jacoby and Karina
Winner Ingo and Kym Why? Because we like the pro, and we like the celebrity. It’s the next best thing to a Tristan and Dorothy win.