Season 17 - The Candidates

We’ve already given you a couple of sample cast lists and lots of suggestions, but we are now less than a month away from the cast being announced, and it’s time to get down to the real nitty gritty, so we’re doing just that.  Here is a list of celebrities that we can see being asked to participate in Season 17 of Dancing With the Stars; there might be rumors of some of these already, and some we are just pulling out of our hats, but we can see them all as possibilities.  We can also see some very interesting pro choices, and we’re tossing around some ideas there too.  Now don’t go all crazy on us; this isn’t our wish list, instead it is just what we realistically think might happen.  Some of the pros are big question marks too, but we’re covering a lot of bases by offering our thoughts on that as well.  Also you might want to take it with a grain of salt because as usual, we have no idea what we are talking about, and we’re giving you enough celebrity possibilities (30, give or take a few) so that you can ponder the many different options and find the perfect celebrity partner for Tristan based on the ideas we are tossing out. 

Paula Deen – (age 66) - This one is almost too obvious, but we think that the level of controversy surrounding her makes the ABC producers positively salivate at the possibility of having her on the show.  We think, however, that she might be just too controversial at this point.  What are the chances she could be cast?  Oh, probably about 50/50.  Who we think should be her partner:  Gleb, Val, Henry, Sasha, or Derek.  Who we think could be her partner: Gleb, Tristan, or Sasha

Khloe Kardashian –  (age 29) - Alas, we’ve had enough of the family, but in all honesty, she might be kind of fun (if we can get past the last name).   She has a gazillion twitter followers which is a big bonus for whichever celebrity gets her.  Rob was a pleasant surprise, but we still have a big problem calling her, or anyone else in the family, a star, but since it’s the name of the game these days, she is a realistic possibility.  What are the chances?   40/60.  She is in a perfect age range to lower things a bit – or “age down” the cast in ABC terms.  Forget her height.  It didn’t stop the producers from pairing Zendaya with Val; both Zendaya and Khloe are 5’10”.   Who we think should be her partner:  Tony or Maks.   Who we think could be her partner:   Maks, Val, or Gleb.

Bret Michaels – (age 50) -  He’s already a reality show pro, his signature hair could make things interesting for hair and makeup, and his name has already been tossed around a couple of times.  You know you want to see him dance to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”  The chances?  30/70 Who we think should be his partner:  Cheryl , Kym, or Peta   Who we think could be his partner:  Sharna or Chelsie

Dennis Rodman –(age 52) – Here another one who has been rumored, and honestly, we think the idea stinks.  Why? Controversial, more controversial, most controversial, and sometimes that’s just way too much controversy.  We’re not feeling it, but ABC might be.  The chances?  Hopefully 0% but probably closer to 30%.  Who we think should be his partner:  Nobody.  Who we think could be his partner:  Sharna, Peta, or Anna.

Dude From Brady Bunch – Christopher Knight – (age 55) – He’s done reality tv, he brings the nostalgia factor, and he’s just the right celebrity for DWTS.  No we don’t particularly want to see him, but whatever.  He fits the pattern, and might be interesting to see if he is a tad edgy.  Chances?  Probably higher than we would like. 50/50.  Who we think should be his partner:  Karina.  Who we think could be his partner:  Anna or Kym, with Karina being an outside shot at taking the honors.

Gina Gershon – (age 51)- She’s kind of like a sexy one that would probably drive the men crazy.  She is edgy, a bit camp, and we like her.   The odds?  20/80  Who should get her?  Tony.  Who would get her?  Mark.

Carrot Top  - (age 48) – Here is one that has been rumored a couple of times, and while he’s not one of our choices (and we probably wouldn’t be saying “You Sexy Thing” when he dances), he is funny and would keep us laughing, and maybe the hair flinging around, a la Oksana, would keep us entertained.  Chances are none of us really want to watch him Samba, but he is that B (or C or D) list celebrity that ABC can’t resist.  His comedy routine is based on props, so you can see where this is going – a million dances (or one because he probably wouldn’t last) built around gadgets.  Can he dance?  We have no idea, but we would love to see him try.  The chances – 30/70.   Who we think should be his partner: Peta or Sharna. Who we think could be his partner: Chelsie

Billy Zane  - *age 47) – He’s kind of hot in an offbeat way, he’s not exactly A-list, and not exactly a household name, but he is just what DWTS needs to shake things up.  We love this guy.  BTW, he was Amy Smart’s co-star in Love ‘N Dancing (see below), and yes, Shakes is one of the three people who ever saw that movie, and no, Billy didn’t dance in it.  The chances?  Probably 5/95.  Who we think should be his partner: Anna or Oksana.  Who we think could be his partner: Cheryl.

Amy Smart - (age 37) – She’s beautiful, talented, and fit, and we wanted her for Season 16.  She’s also a ringer since she danced in the film “Love ‘N Dancing” and since we heard that Derek will be returning for Season 17, this is just the kind of celebrity he would get.  It’s not his fault if the producers don’t like to spread the wealth around, but it’s still annoying as the dickens when we remember that Derek’s last three partners have been Maria Menounos, Shawn Johnson, and Kellie Pickler who have combined body fat of maybe 1%.  Puleeze.  Anyway – we doubt that she is even on ABC’s radar, so we will say 30/70 on this one.  Who we think should be her partner:  Tristan, who has paid more dues than the rest of them combined.  Nobody else should even be in the running.  Who we think could be her partner:  Derek or Val because they always seem to get the luck of the draw.

Katharine McPhee – (age 29) – We love this idea, and we love this idea because she is 1) beautiful 2) musical 3) a born entertainer 4) a ringer.  We want her with Tristan, and nothing else will do.  The odds?  60/40.  Who we think should be her partner: Tristan   Who we think could be her partner:  Val, Henry, or Derek.  Mark it down.

Danny Gokey -  (age 33) – Here’s another American Idol alum who very vocally expressed his desire to be on the show several seasons ago, so why not?  He’s different, he’s not a Latin hunk, and he might be a lot of fun.  No clue if he can dance or not, but he’s definitely musical, so that works in his favor.  The chances? Probably 70/30.   Who we think should be his partner:  Sharna or Peta.  Who we think could be his partner:  Witney or Lindsay if either is a pro.  If not?   Sharna or Peta

Tiffani Thiessen – (age 39) – She would be an interesting pick too, and she’s been rumored often as DWTS has had seasons.  She’s beautiful and is a reasonably recognizable name, although a lot of people probably won’t remember any of her roles.   That’s fine though.  She won’t be the first.  So we believe she would be a fine choice, and the odds of her being cast are 60/40.  Who we think should be her partner:  Tristan.  Who sill get her?  Mark (he’s a little taller than she is) or Derek (maybe – but we would prefer a bit more challenging) or Val.

Eric Dane – (age 40 – This guy is smokin’ hot and would be some lovely eye candy for Season 16.  Ever since Dr. Mark Sloan was killed off on Grey’s Anatomy in 2012, we’ve been waiting for him to return, and what better way than to Rumba or Salsa on the DWTS stage.  The odds?  20/80.  Who we think should be his partner:  Kym or Karina.   Who we think could be his partner:  Cheryl or Peta because they have all the luck and he is kind of the embodiment of sex on a stick so that’s usually how it works around DWTS-land.

Tiki Barber - (age 38) – We have to have a token football dude, so why not have the former running back for the New York Giants?  He’s handsome and charismatic, he’s charming and fun, and he has a smile that won’t quit.  The chances probably aren’t terrific, because we don’t recall his name ever being mentioned, so we will say 30/70.  Who should be his partner?  Sharna would be perfect. Who will be his partner?  Sharna or Witney (or whatever random new pro they throw at us).

Luke Perry –  (age 46) – It’s time for 90210 to come back to us.  We had Jennie Garth.  We had Shannen Doherty, so why not Luke Perry?  We think he would be a good choice and also a logical choice.  We’ll go 40/60 on his chances.  His partner should be Sharna and could very well end up being Sharna. They would rock.

Elizabeth Berkley –  (age 40) – Yeah, she was a showgirl/stripper/something in Showgirls, and we’ve caught her in a few other things since then, but nothing really memorable, so she seems like a good fit.  She’s also a huge ringer – ballet, dance, performance, etc., but so what?  She’s also a tall 5’10” but we don’t care.  We think there’s little likelihood of her being on the show – 10/90 and we think she should be partnered with Tony or Maks, just because of height, but we also think that since she’s a ringer, she’s more likely to end up with Derek, Val, or possibly Gleb.

Vanessa Marcil - (age 44) – She’s not afraid to show a little skin; in fact, some of the things she’s worn and been photographed wearing remind us a lot of some of Edyta’s costumes.  She meets the criteria:  General Hospital, 90210 and she’s fit.  The odds?  50/50   Who we think should be her partner:  Tristan, Tony, or Maks  Who we think will be her partner:  Derek, Mark, or Val.

Dominique Moceanu – (Age 31) – We heard her mentioned last season (probably by us), but we are still in love with the idea.  She’s still athletic and graceful, but we like that she’s a mature woman and not a teenager, therefore more capable of bringing the sexy.  The odds?  Meh, about 30/70, but we still think it’s a sound idea.  Who we think should be her partner:  Tristan.  Tristan.  Tristan.  Did we mention Tristan?  Who we think would be her partner?  Mark or Derek

Oksana Baiul – (Age 35) – She seems like a good fit for the show.  She has just enough edge to make it interesting, and enough spirit to challenge any pro.  The odds?  20/80.  Who we think should be her partner?  Tristan would be good, but we don’t see it happening.  Maybe Sasha Farber.  Who we think would be her partner?  Sasha.  No idea why, but it seems like a logical move and she wouldn’t make it easy on Sasha. That's good, however, because Sasha is up to the task and ready to be a pro.

Alicia Sacramone – (Age 25) – We’re pretty sure she wanted to be on DWTS a while ago and yes, we could have done our research to be sure, but we’re tired because this blog is taking forever so we didn’t bother to check.  But let’s assume she is the gymnast who wanted to be on DWTS. She would be perfect because she is older, she’s artistic, and she’s graceful.  And we think the odds are 60/40 that she will be on.  Who should be her partner?  Duh.  Tristan, of course.  He’s supposed to get all of the good ones because this is his website, and he is our favorite, and we really want him to have a fighting chance.  Who would be her partner?  We’re going out on a limb here and saying Tristan because ABC owes him big time, and this is the perfect payback.

Chris Kirkpatrick - (Age 41) or  JC Chasez - (Age 36) - Yeah, we dream big.  Of course, it’s highly unlikely and  it sure won’t be Justin Timberlake, but we loved having Lance Bass and Joey Fatone on the show and would get a big kick out of having Chris or JC on DWTS.  Either/or would be great, and the odds of it happening? Probably low – maybe 5/95.  Who should they get as a partner?  Definitely Sharna – and a mirror ball.  Who would get one of these great guys as a partner?  Probably Peta.

David Cassidy - (Age  63) / Shaun Cassidy (age 55) – in this little blast from the past, we can see one of these brothers making an appearance and we don’t really care which one.  It probably doesn’t help with the whole plan to age down the cast, but there might be a shortage of 20-something males who are willing to dance in front of millions.  Ego and all that.  So we think either/or would be a hoot to have on the show and we’ll go with 20/80 odds for one of them making an appearance.  Who should be David or Shaun’s partner:  Kym   Who will be David or Shaun’s partner:  Kym.  It makes sense.

Jimmy Osmond - (age 50) – This is going to happen; it’s just a matter of which season.  We've had two Osmonds so far, and you know that ABC isn’t done yet.  We think this is increasingly likely so we’ll go 60/40 on young Jimmy dancing his way into the ballroom.  Who should be his partner:  Karina  Who would be his partner:  Kym, just because ABC would pull that again  (remember George and Ashley Hamilton?  Both with Edyta)

Finola Hughes – (Age 53) –She was rumored for Season 16, and she’s the biggest ringer of all, but we can live with it because she would be a big old refreshing breath of clean air.  She’s a GH person which means millions of votes.  She’s a Saturday Night Fever alum, which means millions of votes.  We’ll go 50/50 on this, and we’ll say Tony should be her partner and could be but we think Tristan would be the choice.

Anthony  Geary – (Age 66) – You know somebody from GH will be on which is why we put Finola Hughes and Genie Francis on this list.  Anthony was a hot rumor for Season 16, and we ended up with the very delightful Ingo (he will be hard to top, by the way).  So we say, sure, Anthony is fine with us, there is likely a 65/35 chance of it happening, and he should go to Peta, whose four previous partners are mere babies when compared to the average age of Tristan’s partners.

Genie Francis - (Age 51) – We’ve heard rumors forever, and we have no idea if she can dance, if she would be interested, or whatever, but we can visualize her doing a nice waltz.  We will go with 70/30 on the chances of her being on the show.  Who should be her partner?  Perhaps Val,  Tony or Mark although we aren’t crazy about Val getting the built-in fan base again. Who will be her partner?  Probably Tony.

Kathy Griffin – (Age  52) - Another rumor from another season, but who knows?  She just might end up on DWTS, and we believe there is about a 50/50 shot of it happening.  She would likely be more enthusiasm, comic relief, and shock value than skill, but it could work.  Who should she get?  Val, Derek, or Mark.  Talk about a challenge…    Who will she get?  Tristan, just because that’s how things happen

Raven Symone – (Age 27) – She’s a good choice – not one that knocks our socks off, but seems very likely.  She is also super-talented.  It’s only a matter of time, and we believe there is a 70/30 chance of her Cha Cha-ing in Week 1.  Her partner should be someone as funny, talented and off-beat as she is.  We can see her having a blast with Gleb, Sasha, or Tristan.  We think she would get Derek or Mark.

Ashley Tisdale  - (Age 28) – She’s a ringer in a big way, but that hasn’t stopped ABC before, and you know what? They would probably put her with a new pro too, which would annoy the dickens out of us, but the show always annoys the dickens out of us.  Her name has been whispered for previous seasons so we say the chances are about 40/60.  Who should be her partner?  Tristan, because he deserves a ringer but will probably never have a ringer.  Who would likely be her partner?  Val, Henry, Sasha, or Gleb – and we would be seriously annoyed because it’s time to pay some dues.  Of those four we would prefer Sasha because let’s face it – Sasha has paid his dues with the Troupe.  Besides he had to hold Lisa’s dog last season and pretend to be a bellhop.  We didn’t see Henry or Val do anything like that. Ever. 

John Schneider – (Age  53) – He’s been on everything.  Dukes of Hazzard started it off, but there is something about John Schneider that is timeless.  He’s fun, he’s charismatic, and he would be a blast on the show.  The chances?  Probably not much since his name hasn’t been mentioned, but he fits the mold well.  We would say 5/95.  Who should be his partner?  Kym, Cheryl, or Sharna.  Who would likely be his partner?  Peta or Kym.

Now we know that all 30+ of these folks can’t be on DWTS but we think all of them fit the DWTS mold and any could show up when the cast is announced in August.  There are a few on this list that would make us do our famous happy dance, but there are a few that would make us consider going into hibernation from September on.  As always, take it all with a grain of salt because so far, we have about a 0% success rate of predicting anything.  What we do predict this time around is that if ABC tries to bring in a bunch of Disney kids to get the youngsters watching and voting, it will be an epic fail.  We think that the age range will be just about what it has been in the past, and we will probably be able to predict the final three within a week.