We have decided that there should be a contest to see which MacManiac should get the chance to be Tristan’s partner in Season 17. After all, we are all enormously talented and look great in spandex, sequins, feathers, and rhinestones. We really do. We approached this logically and scientifically, and this is what we came up with. Never fear – if your name isn’t included on this list, it’s because we are saving you up for a future blog. We have lots more profound ones like this one.
Oh and the one catch to this? We (SWAT and Shakes) get to choose the partner for Tristan so this should end well.
Tristan, meet your potential partners.
Love the Heartthrob – Snort. Really? Would you trust somebody whose name is “Love the Heartthrob?” We’re talking Valentine’s Day Cards and those little candy hearts that say mushy stuff like “I wanna dance with the Irishman,” “Shake it, baby,” and “Moves like MacManus.” Nah. She’s out because that’s just creepy.
KellanK, Kieran, Maggie, Meghan, and Brenna - Obviously, they are all Irish (or want to be) and would therefore hog Tristan. They are all banned from this competition just because they sound like they have Irish names. We have to make this fair, after all.
Lily and Sweetpea – They both have names of lovely, aromatic flowers which means that they probably also wear perfume that is subtle yet seductive. Nope, can’t have that. Sorry, ladies, but you are a big “no.”
Jennl – It’s a conundrum. We thought she might be in the finalist category of this little competition because she’s smart, yet feisty. But then we looked at the “l” carefully and concluded (logically, of course) that the 'L' stands for LambadaChampionOfTheWorld. Too bad, Jennl. You would have been a top 3 contender.
Reformed Lurker – Would you trust anybody named Reformed Lurker to not cause trouble with Tristan? Yeah, we didn’t think so.
Out of Tea and Tea With Lemon – What’s up with that? We could understand it if the name was “Irish Whiskey” or maybe “Irish Coffee” and no self-respecting Tristan fan would be “Out of Tea”. And then there’s “Tea With Lemon.” We are immediately suspicious of putting lemon in tea – well for no good reason other than we needed something to write here. Our logic came up with this. After all, you wouldn’t put it in coffee would you? Thus, you shouldn’t put it in tea. Sorry, ladies. You’re out too. Had your name been “Sweet Tea” we would have considered it.
Rumba, Latin Dancer, Cha Cha, and Bailarina – All are ringers, and that is okay with us because Tristan deserves a ringer. Unfortunately, however, they would fight among themselves and cause a big old mess because, you see, cat fights are never good. Throw Mrs. ATA into the mix too because ATA obviously stands for Argentine Tango Addict which means she’s a serious ringer so five ringers means five times the trouble. This can’t happen. So yeah, they are toast too.
Chiquita – Well, here’s the problem with this lovely lady. We just don’t believe that she won’t come out onto the dance floor with a Carmen Miranda hat during her Sambas, Salsas, and Cha Chas, and the apples, bananas, and probably a whole watermelon too would go flying and drench Tristan with fruit salad, fruit juice, or just fruit goop. She’s been getting too many costume tips from SWAT. She’s out because ostentatious and gaudy are not the way to go when you are representing such a classy group as the MacManiacs.
Caribbean Cooler - We gave her careful consideration but then tossed her too because she’ll obviously be reclining on the beach somewhere in the Caribbean with an iPad in one hand while watching Tristan videos, and a Piña Colada or a Caribbean Cooler in the other. Her Cabana boy is probably also Irish so we don’t feel sorry for her at all. She’s out.
Is it Tuesday - Because sadly, there will no longer be a Tuesday show, and she will be so confused that she won’t know when to show up.
153 Dancer - 153 can mean so many things. 153 ballroom dance trophies she’s won, 153 minutes she can dance the jive non-stop, 153 hearts of male pros she’s broken…it’s just a potentially dangerous number so we’re not taking any chances. Nope to Ms. 153.
KYWoman - Sigh. She’s not an option, because she’ll be busy sitting at the Derby with her giant Derby hat sipping a mint julep and winning lots of money by betting on a racehorse named Shamrock or Clover or heaven forbid, Tristan. We can’t have that.
Stirred Not Shaken – This one confused us, but we finally figured out the problem. She probably drinks plain martinis, or appletinis, or chocolatinis or some other kind of tini. It wouldn’t end well when the only logical option is Irish Whiskey – I believe we mentioned that before. Scratch SNS from our list.
DWTS Ringer – Isn’t it obvious? We thought about her because Tristan deserves a ringer in the biggest way, but our sources tell us that ringer isn’t really a ringer and when she tried to Samba with her Salsa teacher, Stefano, she stepped on his now sore tootsies. She’s out.
Blue Eyes and Starry Eyes – because they probably making big googly eyes at Tristan all the time and that just doesn’t work for us. Banned.
Em33 – Remember the seemingly innocuous bra comment from several months ago? Remember how much trouble it started? She is trouble. If you don’t know the story, trust us, it isn’t pretty, so she’d probably go for the “natural look” and hang the bra from the roof or something so nope to Em.
LC - because that stands for Lucky Charm and then we would have trouble because Tristan would be too intrigued by the name. He might also think Nancy was back because she used to call him that.
KBRM – A lady of mystery (she refuses to divulge the reasoning behind her username). Too much mystery isn't good.
Duchess Gummy Buns – Really? Would you trust her in the arms of the Irishman? Nuh uh. Not a chance.
Cupcake and Pumpkin – The bottom line is that these names make us think of food and we would be eating huge pieces of cheesecake instead of paying attention to all that quality dancing from Mr. MacManus, so sorry, C and P. You’re out too.
Sigh. We’re exhausted even though we have another hundred or so names that come to mind. Right now there are only two contenders – the Samba Sultress (Shakes), and the Tango Temptress (SWAT). Of course, neither of us can Samba or Tango to save our lives, but, you never know.