Photo Courtesy of OK Magazine
Now that we have your attention with the lovely photo to your left (which incidentally has been Shakes' forum avatar photo since Day 1), we will now focus on other important stuff.
It’s that time of the season when we pay tribute to those standout performances and people on DWTS. Of course we already gave out awards a few weeks ago, and we were in kind of a fog most of Week 5 because of all of those Tristan appearances. We didn't want you to think that we had forgotten to hand out awards, so we decided to this week pay homage to six “interesting” weeks of DWTS with “The Season 16 is Finally 60% Over Awards.”
The Out Of Tea Honorary Sweatshirt Award – This goes to Peta because our own Out of Tea was willing to fly across country to cover Peta up with her own sweatshirt because Peta never seems to remember to take one along and looks really, really cold most of the time. Consider it a public service.
The Please Turn Up The Heat Award – Almost everybody. There’s no passion, no zing, no pop, no pow, no sexy, no lust, no heat, no smolder, no sizzle - you get it… (We say "almost everybody" because every time Tristan has been on the dance floor this season, the temperature has risen substantially.)
The You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet Award - This goes to Val who has previously lost his pants and shirt on national television. We can only imagine what is next.
The I Am 16 Going on 17 Award - Zendaya. You probably didn’t know she’s only 16.
The Zorro Can Fly Award - Andy and Sharna for giving Antonio Banderas wings. Or a zip line.
The Cutest Couple Award – Sean and Tristan – Anybody who can make us laugh the way they did has to be the recipient of a prestigious honor like this.
The Big Whoop Comeback Award – To Maks who unfortunately staged his comeback the same night as Professor MacManus made his return to the DWTS stage in a big way.
The Thud Heard Around the World – Tristan and Witney – It needs no explanation.
The You Can Teach My Zumba Class Anytime Award – To Tristan MacManus. If you read our road trip blog, you know the storied background, but SWAT might be willing to take on Zumba Lesson 2 if the Zumba King (in our minds anyway – we have no idea if he has even ever walked into a Zumba class) is running the show.
The Guess The Mystery Dancer Award – To the DWTS Troupe – Why have six members of the troupe when there are 300 more dancing in every number they do? Where is the voice of reason (Sonny) when you need him?
The Worst Use Of all That Skin Award – to Gleb Savchneko. It’s a pretty chest but it’s kind of blasé now. All of that waxed shininess has given way to the Tristan MacManus look. You know what that is.
The Spray Tan Is Icky Award – To everybody who undergoes that unpleasantness every weekend. We would much rather see pasty white skin than that fake bronzed, shiny mess that looks like a fake, bronzed shiny mess.
It’s A Good Thing This Isn’t The Voice Award – To the Week 6 cast who tried and failed miserably to sing to Stevie Wonder’s music. The only ones who didn’t make our ears bleed were Kellie and Derek but their attempts were funny and still off key. Sigh. ABC should have asked us because we could do Stevie's music justice. Well, at least one of us could. The other one's singing would scare you.
The American Idol Vocal Winners - Victor and Lindsay. Andy and Sharna were a close second. They were awful and didn’t care how bad they were when singing to Stevie’s music. Sharna’s apology before she began was a warning of things to come. It was so awful that we had to laugh. Kind of like American Idol.
The Immunity Challenge – To us for coming up with the idea of messing with everybody and switching all the partners around for the rest of the season and bringing back those teams who already left. We know Dorothy can’t dance yet so she can be the judge instead of those other three. We vote for bringing in a ringer for Tristan, just to screw with everybody’s heads. Here are our pairings for the Immunity Challenge:
Derek and Lisa
Peta and D.L.
Lindsay and Jacoby
Karina and Victor
Kym and Victor
Tony and Zendaya
Val and Wynonna
Cheryl and Andy
Gleb and Sean, uh we mean Aly
Mark and Kellie (that’s because he had Bristol twice – he should have had Kellie this season but Aly works for him too)
Sharna and Sean
Tristan and Catherine Zeta-Jones – oh why not? She’s gorgeous, she’s sexy, and she’s a ringer. Everybody else has had ‘em. It's Tristan's turn.
The What Are you Smoking Award? To Bruno for saying NBC was stupid for putting The Voice up against DWTS on Monday nights. I guess he didn’t get the memo that it’s all about ratings and winning the ratings war.
The Boom shaka-laka-laka Boom shaka-laka-laka 'I Want to Take You Higher Award' – which is what will happen if Zendaya stands on Jacoby’s shoulders. They would be 200 feet tall.
The Corny Star Light, Star Bright Award - To the first MacManiac who will step up and admit that she said something ridiculous like“Star light star bright first star I see tonight, I wish I may I wish I might, See Tristan dance on Tuesday Night”. Go ahead and roll your eyes and gag a little. It’s sickening.
And you think these are bad? Just wait until the season ends and we start getting serious about our awards.