The title is self-explanatory - Tristan MacManus is smoking hot and flat-out sexy. Now I will move on to the show itself, which, in my opinion, didn’t give us nearly enough Tristan, but what we did see was delicious. Thus, I created the subtitle that comes from the old Buster Poindexter song Hot, Hot, Hot.
      With plenty of Val, Maks, and Carson and the adorably adorable Tristan and Nancy, I knew that Part 2 of Nancy’s ‘Dancing’ special was destined to be an eye-popping show. So maybe it wasn’t eye-popping exactly, but our newly crowned “Reluctant Heartthrob” (ahem, see blog post below) was showing us all of those qualities that earned him that title: enormous talent, incredible charm, a magnetic personality, striking good looks, and tons of charisma. Then there’s that whole electric stage presence – the man is a natural in front of the camera.  More screen time, please.  Please????
      A couple of hours before the show aired, Nancy posted a picture on Facebook of Val and Maks holding her, with Tristan (in full bedhead) pouting in the background. Then, because I had HLN on a full two hours before show time just so I wouldn’t miss anything important, I got to see that wonderful teaser of Nancy dancing with Tristan – the one where he dips her looooow and kisses her cheek. (Too bad we didn't actually get to see that dance).  It was lovely though. As always, MacGrace did not disappoint.  Never have.  Never will.

     In her introduction, Nancy, bless her heart, says again that Tristan is “the best dancer in the world” (Carson interrupts and says, “Oh, Nancy, stop”) and also the “fan favorite” – both of which seem to amuse Tristan endlessly.  We then hear the DWTS announcer introduce Nancy and Tristan’s waltz to Moon River, and we see quite a bit of that exquisite performance from Week 3.  That choreography is beautiful. They were magnificent even then.
     Carson is introduced via a clip of his hilarious jive to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, followed by a bit of Maks and Val’s Dance-Off a few seasons ago with Karina and Valeriya Kozharinova. That’s fine, but I want to see Tristan. We then get a clip of Tony and Chynna doing their Tango while my gorgeous, dancer daughter (who is already bored by not seeing enough of Tristan) insists that Val looks like Mario Lopez. This had been bugging her, so I feel like it’s my civic duty to share this information which isn’t relevant to anything at all. By the way, she thinks she's going to marry Tristan. Snort Snort.  Stand in line, kiddo. Back to the show.  The introduction, however, is nice with lengthy clips that give us plenty of Tristan sightings, and the guinea pigs aren’t really guinea pigs but her pal, defense attorney,  Renee Rockwell (“Baby, Got Back” according to Nancy), Nancy’s pr guy, Josh Sabarra, and 3 others (including Stacey, Rachel, and Corine – sorry ladies, for any misspelling. More about the guinea pigs later.

    We see a little of Tristan and Nancy’s very first Cha Cha rehearsal and as a few seconds of the dance are shown, we get to hear Tristan and Nancy’s voices - already bickering, of course. Tristan says something like, “The best thing for someone who is coming in and learning for the first time is to be considered a non-tret" (non-threat, I assume). Nancy asks Tony (via phone) what he does when his partner freezes on the dance floor, and he indicates that he talks her through it.  Nancy insists that Tristan never gave her instructions while dancing, but that she could “read his eyes.”  Um, I think I would like to do that too, please.
     We get one call-in question. Tristan says that the Spamalot dance is his favorite of the season because of the costume with his town crest, and then Tristan goes on about how they wouldn’t let him make Nancy a topless mermaid. He says that his favorite dance overall is Rumba.  Nancy makes fun of how he says it, and I yell at the tv that Tristan, indeed, says it properly. Room-buh is correct!  Nancy also says she thought he liked the Paso best because he danced it with no shirt, and I am tempted to call in and ask for a Paso encore performance. Then I remember that this was taped a week ago, and Ireland is cold this time of year, so Tristan probably couldn’t walk around shirtless – but we can dream.  But I digress. There is no hesitation in Tristan’s voice.  Rumba is his favorite.  Period.  That whole love/lust thing prevails.
     Carson predictably says that his favorite is the one where Maks has his shirt off and then adds that he feels that he had a good Tango. By the way, Tristan finds Carson extremely amusing and laughs at him the entire time.  Val is asked about his favorite dance and wisecracks that he doesn't have much to choose from since he and Elisabetta only danced twice.  Nancy insists that the judges picked on him because he was too sexy. Yeah, whatever.  I mean, Val is hot, but  he’s no Tristan.
       There are clips of JR and Karina, a little more Tony and Chynna, and some bits and pieces of Nancy and Tristan’s red-hot tango from last week.  Those 2 have such chemistry – WOWZA.

     After the commercial break, we see the entire promotional clip everybody has already seen for this week. We see the sexy dance Val and Daria did last week, and I have just one thing to say.  Dear Tristan, I would like to do that dance with you.  Love, Shakes. 
      Next up are clips of the Flash Gordon Paso and that gorgeous, gorgeous chest.  Crap. I’m off topic again.  There are commercials about every 6 seconds so when we come back, we see the kids from the Rising Stars Dance Academy – Nancy is great with them and puts them at ease.  Now here is your Bombshell Tonight.  I couldn’t do what those kids did.  Ever. These pint-sized dancers can move.  
     Carson takes over as host briefly, doing his best Nancy impression. We see a bit of Tristan and Nancy dancing and rolling their eyes before the next commercial. Carson then introduces the Maks/Nancy Instant Dance.  She dances first with Maks, then he hands her over to Val, who hands her back to Maks. In the middle of it, Carson and Val dance back and forth past them a couple of times, causing Nancy and Maks to stop and stare, and then shrug and start dancing again. This is hilarious.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen Maks have so much fun- even though he has to bend over to dance because he is so much taller than Nancy. The dance was full of little spins and turns, laughs and grins.  At the end, Maks plants a big kiss on her and Tristan strolls into the picture with a cup of something (he was probably bringing me some Irish whiskey to calm my nerves), and he is laughing the whole time as he walks right over to Nancy. Or she just kind of slides over to The Man.  Awww.  Tristan is still her dance partner.
     Back to Val who is playing the violin (same as last week) and then another commercial. After the break, Nancy, Tristan, Carson, and Val become judges with scoring paddles so they can score the guinea pigs. The pros are from the studio, I believe.

     Guinea Pig 1 – They are okay.  Corine (sp) is having fun, but not dancing with Tristan must suck. Nancy gives her a 10 based on her rear view, Carson gives the male pro a 10 based on THAT view (peals of laughter from Tristan at this point) and the guy wiggles his backside.  Funny moment.
     Guinea Pig 2 – Another blonde (Nancy’s friend Renee Rockwell) dances with a dude who looks a little like Teddy but isn't Teddy.  Nancy gives her a 3 for no good reason while Carson gives her a 97.  Tristan awards her a “one [wooon] hundred and a 9, and Val, a 10. Val took this whole thing way too seriously, by the way.
     Guinea Pig 3 – Beats me who was who in this one, Rachel is really good, but by now I am bored. Everybody looks great, and she is beautiful and weighs about 95 pounds. Nancy gives her a 10, Carson a 94, Tristan and Val a 10.
    Guinea Pig 4 – Josh Sabarra does this one, and he looks scared to death.  Tristan laughs at him, and then stops paying attention. He randomly gives Josh a 9 because, as he says, “I know you had the most difficult person” [which was absolutely hysterically funny] while Nancy gives a 10, Carson a 97, and Val an 8. Tristan is busy goofing off, and Val needs to work on his sense of humor. I felt like I was watching him pretend to an American Idol judge. It is supposed to be funny, Val. 
     Guinea Pig 5 – Stacey is great. She can move those hips. The great dip at the end earns accolades from Tristan. She gets 10 from Nancy, a 9 from Carson, and Tristan says it was “very, very good…very good” and gives her a 10, as does Val.

     Best part of the night?  Right before the commercial break, Tristan wiggles his butt in the form of a pelvic thrust in the background. Yes, I did just say that.  I’m thinking some kind of Emmy for cinematography is a lock.

     From here on, it was a lot of filler.  We see a little more of the waltz, and some of Val and Elisabetta’s quickstep. More of the Maks/Val dance off. Yawn. I’m bored and want me some Tristan.  We get a little bit of last week’s tango and some delicious close-ups of the man of the hour.
     Val and Daria dance with the 4 munchkins to the same music Tristan, Val, and Nancy danced to last week in the jive. By this point, I’m considering jumping through my tv and grabbing Tristan and bringing him home with me. That is how it works, right?  I mean he is really inside the tv?  Okay, so I thought that when I was 3. But by now I can see the writing on the wall. The clock is ticking, and there are no signs of a sexy dance or even a hokey pokey from Tristan and Nancy. 
     The second best part of the show just might be the group dance which is shown in its entirety.  We all know that Tristan owned this one.  I still get goose bumps when I see how he commands it from the moment that he and the blonde guy – what is his name again? – come in from either side.  Then there are the strut and the thrusts and the way Tristan takes Madame Nancy away.  I love this dance!
     We see a little more JR and Karina, and as I watch clips of their Samba, my mind wanders.  I was thinking - why can’t Tristan do a Samba to that song (Conga) and wear those white pants and red shirt.  That is what I want to see.  I. Want. To. See. Tristan. Do. A. Samba.

     So there wasn’t as much time focused on Tristan as I would have liked – lots of filler, but what we got was exquisite. The show ends with Tristan’s arm flung around Carson as they very hurriedly wish everybody a Happy New Year.  I was sobbing hysterically by this point because I realize that we do not get to see Tristan dance again. Nancy looks a little emotional as she once again talks about how the Best Dancer in the World dragged her through 8 weeks.
     The show ends with more clips of the youngsters, and all I want is to see Tristan.  So I guess I’ll use my husband’s frequent flier miles and take care of that by booking myself on a little excursion to Ireland.  Anybody have a problem with that?  Well, it’s seems fair.  I was supposed to get to see Tristan dance tonight, so I guess it will take place in Ireland.  Tristan probably wouldn’t mind - much.
     A big thank you to Nancy for giving us these special treats the last two weeks.  She is the best! (By the way, I’m not a complete lunatic. I’m not really going to Ireland.  Not yet, anyway.)

     The title is kind of self-explanatory, and I will get to that soon enough, but first of all, let me say that I miss my partner in crime, SWAT, who has just qualified for sainthood by driving 12 hours straight with her 2 young kiddies. Last night, she got the speed-talking 3 minute recap of the show while she was in transit, which hopefully held her over until she could check out the full yawn-inducing version.
     It is hard to know exactly where to start - I mean with all that sexiness, sensuality, and intensity all over the place - but I’ll try.  Buckle up, ladies, because heeeeeere we go!
     I’m not the most patient woman in the world, and all of the show’s spoilers got me all stirred up and made me even more hyper than usual. The first promotion – the whole “this is filmed by Miramax, or MGM, or somebody big” promo – made me laugh because it teased me with the possibilities. Then Maks showed us around Dance With Me Soho and calmly told us about the little production called “The Nancy Grace Show.” Really?  For MacManiacs, it was also “The Show That Had Us Risking Life As We Know It To Make Sure We Watched At 8 p.m. EST.” I told my kids to not even think about speaking to me from 15 minutes before the show started until well after it ended and I had watched it again 70 or 80 times. Then they could speak. I threatened bodily harm to any who dared to make noise by rustling around in a bag of Doritos, sneezing, or even tiptoeing across the floor. As far as the husband? I told him to just go away because I was going to watch and ogle; then I was going to write an epic-length recap so that SWAT and all those who don’t get to watch could read every teeny little sexy detail.  
     Back to the title You Sexy Thing. Does it really need an explanation? All I could think of when Tristan appeared last night was that stupid song by Hot Chocolate, so I took the creative liberty of changing the show’s name to something a little more, oh, shall we say, to the point.

     “You Sexy Thing” begins with a musical montage showing us the all-star lineup; we see a bit of JR and Karina winning DWTS, and more of the craziness that is Carson. Nancy’s introduction assures us that her Bombshell Tonight is focusing on fun, and she hints at the dance-off to come and about those lucky people they bring in off the street to dance with the pros (experimental guinea pigs).  “PICK ME!!!!” I shouted, scaring everybody within 3 miles and terrorizing all the dogs on the block.  It’s too bad I wasn’t in NY at the time; I would have been pushy and obnoxious enough to get chosen.  But we don’t get to see that anyway, nor do we get to hear the call-ins with the questions that she talks about. That’s okay.  Instead, she talks about Carson, Val, Maks, and Tony. Then she mentions her partner, “the best dancer in the world, Tristan MacManus.”  Awwwww, Nancy.  And yeah, we all agree. It’s no contest.  She also promises that she is going to teach poor Maks how to dance (next week, I assume).
     Nancy (who looks beautiful, by the way) begins by talking to Karina and JR, who, in Nancy’s words, was last seen “holding the mirror ball that really should have been mine.”  She makes fun of Karina’s "ribbons down her body” costume and they talk about the fact that JR is going to be a daddy. They poke good fun at Team PPPPaso and how that team unfairly won the team dance because of poor judging. Then they get into the whole discussion of how Tristan once told Nancy that “the male dancers really don’t have that much to do,” and how the man is the frame and the woman is the picture in dance. Apparently, the man can stand and “look strong” while the woman does all the work. Yeah, that sounds about right in most things, but that’s another story for another time, and I’m not going to digress. Maks clarified a bit that the male celebrities can have a little easier time than the female celebrities.
     Carson continues his flirtation with Maks who good-naturedly goes along with it. Carson encourages Maks to “feel the guns” but Maks swears he can’t find them. The discussion then leads to Season 14 where none of the pros could say for sure if they would be back. Nancy clearly has been reading our forum; she said if you want these pros back, go online and tell ABC/DWTS Season 14 to bring them back. Don’t we have a thread on MML with this very concept? Nancy says that if we don’t do this “Tristan will be laying bricks in Ireland, and I don’t want that to happen.”  [lots of laughter]   
     One of the funniest segments was the discussion on how partners are chosen, and the zingers were flying.  Nancy says that she asked for Maks as her partner but that was before she knew he had a little brother because that changed things, and Tristan said he asked NOT to get Nancy.  Maks said he asked for Carson and Carson said he asked for Maks and that it was “shocking” that they weren’t partnered.  Nancy asked how Carson could possibly choose between Val, Maks, and Tristan, and he said, “Why choose?”  Carson insisted that he and Val were “pure magic” in the finale and that he had danced with everybody but Tristan and that they would dance later.

      Nancy challenges Carson to a Dance-Off. Now we don’t actually see Carson dance, so I’m not sure where the Dance-Off comes in, but who cares? This is hot. First of all I wouldn’t complain about dancing with Val and Tristan – all within a 2 minute time span.  Life is indeed good for Miss Nancy. Val is superb, he has great chemistry with Nancy, and they are adorable, even a little bit sexy.  But then The Man steps up to show ‘em how it’s really done, and the heat index escalates to immeasurable proportions.
     Could Tristan have played the multiple roles of performer/teacher/heartthrob/sex symbol (okay those last 2 were my doing) any better? The ‘awwww’ moment comes when he tilts Nancy’s chin up to make sure she is maintaining proper form. He hums along (off key, but who cares?) to keep her on track, he does his ‘bum bum bum’ counting of the beats, and Nancy rocks the jive. And Tristan? Well, he is the jive master who right in the middle of the dance, looks at the camera and says, “She still has it.”  Now is it any wonder that Nancy has a silly grin plastered on her face the whole time? I would too, if I got to dance with all that smoldering sensuality. The bottom line? Tristan MacManus sizzles, and I’ll debate it to the death with any and all takers.  He dances with finesse, style, and a whole lot of attitude.  Remember that little snap of the head after he says “she still has it?” He has confidence and more confidence. That is sexy.  By the way, that dance has THE perfect ending. Nancy sits in the chair, Tristan kisses her hand, Val hugs her, and then kisses her hand. More hugs and kisses. I would be smiling too.  In fact, I want me some of THAT.

     Val and Daria dance, and we get to see the delicious promo for next week where Nancy and Tristan are “trying out new moves.” Nancy mentions that Tristan never taught her to “shake her booty”, but Carson interrupts and he and Maks show us their special move – Maks flips Carson. They take a bow, and Nancy uses her famous finger quotes to say that that Carson’s “still got it.” 
     Tony is on a Disney cruise with his family but talks to Nancy via phone. Carson said the hardest part of the show is not knowing what you are doing. Maks said the most difficult part is to have to prove that the star can dance, and he loves teaching but the pressure of the time constraints is difficult.
     And about every 8 seconds we see the promo for next week with all that new dancing where Tristan dips Nancy back and kisses her cheek.  Dear Nancy:  Could I please be your body double?

     Enter Carson as the new host. He interviews Val who talks about his career, but Nancy takes Carson’s microphone away and says he’s boring her. Carson tells us Nancy and Tristan are going to Tango, and I jump up and start doing a happy dance on top of the coffee table (great visual, right?).
     And Tango they did! Have mercy. It seems to be the same choreography basically from The Talk, but with different music (thank you). This is where I was reduced to incoherent speech and could manage to mumble only things like “hot, hot, hot,” “different music,” “sexy,” “those damn boots,” “holy crap,” “I wanna be Nancy,” "wowza," and "hubba hubba hubba."  You get the picture. I would pay good money to take Nancy’s place and do that little move where she leans against him and flings her leg over his hip….and I’m not saying any more on that subject.
     Back to Carson who is doing his best Nancy impression and interviewing the boys while Nancy is “getting her hair did.” He introduces Maks and Val and then, using his best brogue, introduces Tristan. Maks says Tristan is going to be the third Chmerkovskiy brother. I think Tristan said more and talked faster than I’ve ever heard him – just to keep Nancy quiet. He says is going to go to Ireland to “see me family and me friends”. Maks makes fun of the accent, and Carson says that listening to Tristan is like watching Oliver, the musical.  Maks and Val continue to laugh at Tristan when he talks about going to Ireland and seeing “me nannies, me aunties, and me uncles.”  Tristan says he hasn’t been home for the holidays for 5 or 6 years and that he would probably have a few pints of Guiness – and whiskey. 

     They talk about being first year pros, and Tristan explains how they are constantly learning from other pros and their own celebrity partner. Of course, Nancy starts making faces and mouthing off behind him and he pushes her behind him and keeps talking.  He gets all sweaty and red in the face, and then Nancy brings up the sweat.  Geez, she has to be a MacManiac. She goes on about the female viewers wanting to “unleash the Tristan inside of you” or some such nonsense.  I swear it was me talking.  Carson asks Tristan if when he is out on the street, if women recognize him and tell him they love him. Tristan say, sadly but no, but Maks announces that Tristan will be going out the front door of the studio soon if the ladies are interested.  Uh, yeah. I am first in line, by the way.
     They are asked what they would be if not a pro on DWTS.  Tristan says he has done a bit of everything.  Nancy says Maks and Val could teach Tristan how to be a heartthrob (I don’t think he needs lessons, Nancy) and she reiterates that “he’s obviously the best dancer in the world.” They babble on about Tristan’s chest, and Nancy says, “What are you doing with his chest hair? Leave it alone!. Carson, you, too” and then pulls Tristan's jacket closed.  [Nancy has clearly been reading our blog].      
     To finish things off, Val plays the violin. I’m sure it was brilliant, but honestly, I was typing furiously so that I didn’t forget a Tristan and Nancy moment. A lot of rampant thoughts were running through my head during the final few minutes, and we keep hearing about the new moves Nancy will be trying out with Carson, Maks, Tristan, etc.

     I think I can safely assume that Tristan MacManus just won over a whole lot more fans last night, and other than those of us who are requiring some time to recuperate, he didn’t lose a single MacManiac due to either shock or cardiac arrest.  We’re a mature group, after all.  Regardless, I predict our numbers are going to increase suddenly, and I nominate Nancy to be our Chairman of the Board because where would we today without her? A pathetic, simpering mess, I imagine.

     So while you exist in a Tristan-induced state of lust and euphoria, I encourage you to listen to “You Sexy Thing” and tell me that’s not a great title for Nancy’s “Dancing” special.  

[Shakespeare]   When SWAT and I started pondering Part 2 of our wildly popular Anatomy Musings series (just a bit of an exaggeration), we knew we had to spend some time on the hair. Okay, maybe most serious blogs don’t go to such incredible depths of shallowness, but we go with what works for us – and what we talk about – and it’s usually shallow stuff.  I knew immediately that there was no way I was going to let SWAT have a go at the bedhead hair or the sexy facial stubble.  Nuh uh. Not a chance. Why you ask? Because that would have landed her in the dungeon forever, and then I would have to write this thing alone. Besides, when we were picking and choosing who got to do what and the first idea tossed out was bedhead, I jumped up and down and yelled, “DIBS!” Then, of course, when stubble was mentioned and became a definite ‘yes’, I asked really nicely to take that one myself because that whole look is so bad boy. That meant that I was transmitted back to the Bad Boy Blog which then moved me on to the stubble-rama which was recently in place on Mr. MacManus – a look that made the ladies swoon (including me); we went from clean shaven to scruffy and then on to advanced scruffy but never to the super-advanced scruffy look that Maks sported in recent photos – a look reminiscent of a werewolf or something – something not very sexy (sorry, Maks, but ick). Besides, SWAT insisted on writing a treatise on the chest hair, so I got the stubble and the right to censor and/or edit what she writes so that we don’t end up in deep trouble.
     Batten down the hatches, and settle in for a good one. Of course, I’ve already written an epic-length blog before I even get started on the good stuff.  Figures. It’s that whole writer thing in me.
     Bed. Head.  Two words.  Now one word – bedhead.  It’s not even in the dictionary but should be because it suggests exactly what you think it suggests, and nobody wears it better than Tristan (kind of like SWAT and I decided that he wears sweat well too, but that’s another blog for another time). There’s the really wild bedhead from the picture of Tristan and Nancy holding that poster - pouting lips out as they shamelessly pimped for votes. That was cute bedhead. Then there is the dead sexy bedhead – the ‘you know you want me bedhead’ - as is obviously apparent in, oh, almost every picture of Tristan.  Men pay hundreds of dollars to get that look, and I’m thinking Tristan is just a natural bedhead.
     And then there’s the stubble that I touched on briefly. Without going into a lot of detail, detail that would probably land me in a dungeon somewhere near the Arctic Circle, let’s just say that the bedhead and the stubble work together really well. It’s that whole innately sensual, pure raw sex appeal nonsense that we were spouting off about on the forum a few days ago; it’s natural, it’s sexy, it’s hot, it’s Tristan and it drive us crazy.
     As I said on MML, see y’all in yonder dungeon.

                                  *********************************************************************

[SWAT]  I'm not even going to act like I don’t belong in the dungeon. Like others before me (cough Shakespeare cough), I have been tossed right in. Several times. I’ve been waiting patiently because I knew that once Shakespeare was done with her unassuming bedhead and stubble lust rant (which by the way....was superb), that next it was my turn to express my most humble opinions on something that we all know has been sort of a hobby of mine. 
     But first I have to comment on the fact that I completely concur with Shakespeare.....Tristan is most definitely a natural bedhead, and in the oddest of coincidences, so am I. For some reason, however, my natural bedheadedness doesn't ooze sexiness like Tristan's does. Mine is more like the Tumbleweed Natural Bedhead that is both rare and frightening. Conversely, Tristan has Swagger Bedhead, and statistics show that only .9999999% of men can pull that off (yes, I made that up).
     Now onto the chest hair....I almost forgot. Distractions, you know.  So it's only natural that when Shakespeare and I decided to do Anatomy Musings about Tristan's hair, I got dibs on the chest hair.  And this is where I have to be really careful and somehow turn crass into class. Shakes warned me to behave or else. I’m not sure what the ‘or else’ consists of, but I’m trying really hard to be good. 
     I recall the first and only time that I was ever quoted by Wetpaint in their MacManiac expose. Out of all of the witty things that I wrote on the ABC message board, my only quote was in reference to the chest hair. Figures, doesn’t it? Yes, this is true, but it all starts with my disdain of the stuff.
     I don’t like chest hair. Never have....never will. In fact, when I think of it, two male celebrities come to mind -Andy Garcia, and Robin Williams. My friends, these are undoubtedly the hairiest men on the big screen and I'm not saying this like it's a good thing. So, when the inevitable moment arrived and I got my first glimpse of Tristan in week 1 chatting with Nancy (this was where she referred to him as a leprechaun), and he had a bit of chest hair peeking out from the neck of his t-shirt, my initial reaction was “Ugh.”  I should have been kicked out of the MacManiacs before we even began. 
     My eyes opened – I mean, they really, really opened during Week 4, and things got interesting fast.  Tristan, in full matadorial splendor, walked down those stairs wearing a red jacket - sans shirt. I suddenly began to see things from an entirely new perspective. I didn't want to zone in on the chest because that is so shallow, but I did anyway. Blame it on Nancy.  The cameras zoomed in, and Nancy, comb in hand…..well you know what happened.  It looked even better up close. Now don’t go and act like you’re offended or outraged by me talking about this; every single report from that evening highlighted his gloriousness. So get over it. Remember that WetPaint “Sexiest Shirtless Pro” poll that came out right after what we call ‘the full chest disclosure’? The last time I checked, Tristan was steamrolling the competition with 67% of the votes. We are not alone, MacManiacs.
     My friends...it was definitely glorious! Of course, ABC decided that look for Tristan was too glorious, and they continue to taunt us. He hasn’t been shirtless since. That sucks.
     So did I manage to turn crass into class yet?  

The official holiday costume consists of black pants, white shirt, black tie, & suspenders. Kind of like the Robert Palmer girls in Simply Irresistible but different. We will look better.


On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me - a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me - two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me - tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me - seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - eight sizzling rumbas, seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - nine steamy pasos, eight sizzling rumbas, seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock-t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - ten dreamy waltzes, nine steamy pasos, eight sizzling rumbas, seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas.  Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me - eleven electric jives, ten dreamy waltzes, nine steamy pasos, eight sizzling rumbas, seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas. Four rock-t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me - twelve little kisses, eleven electric jives, ten dreamy waltzes, nine steamy pasos, eight sizzling rumbas, seven springy quicksteps, six sultry tangos. Five Cha Cha Chas.  Four rock t-shirts, tree foxtrots, two golden spats, & a hot Irish ballroom dancer.

[Shakespeare]  So here’s the thing. Beginning with Week 1 (Cha Cha week, of course), I didn’t rush into the kitchen for peanut butter and chocolate ice cream when I was bored. Frankly, DWTS has bored me a lot over the last few seasons for a lot of reasons – mostly because too many prima donnas took away from the fun. The pros had been recycling their choreography, and behavior patterns were way too predictable; even the results were predictable.This season was the first where I didn’t get up from the couch from the time the show began until it ended. Now don’t go all crazy and think that I sat stupidly watching two hours of a lot of filler while in some kind of trance while also lovin’ all the dancing. Not even close. I muted the tv for most of it, recorded it, and went back to watch the good parts.This way, I didn't have to listen to the crap, but I also got a good sense of who could dance and who couldn't, who has chemistry and who doesn’t, and who is having fun. Or not.
     Now I bet you’re wondering about those good parts. For me, they consisted of few memorable performances by various pairs other than Tristan and Nancy (I can count them on one hand),and a few pro dances (some I loved, some I rolled my eyes and said “again?”). I can guarantee, however, that I watched and loved every single Tristan and Nancy dance. Do I care if the dances weren’t technically the best? Nope, because Tristan and Nancy had something nobody else had – something that kept my butt on my couch, laptop in hand voting like crazy (yeah, I know you think that whole sitting on my butt thing wasn’t good because you probably think it made it spread even more, but keep reading). Tristan and Nancy had chemistry – a special brand of crazy, sexy, fun, wild, over-the-top, whole lotta fun kind of chemistry. All that bickering nonsense amused me endlessly because even though we know the footage was edited, it showed something else:  passion for the performance, passion for keeping it real, and oh yeah, did I mention chemistry?
     Tristan and Nancy were perfectly matched. She needed a strong teacher; he is a magnificent teacher and magical choreographer. He tells a story with each dance, and never, ever over dances to upstage his partner for scoring purposes (future blog teaser here). Nancy was a dancing novice with a strong personality. This unlikely duo created powerful fireworks and that made me watch just to see the teacher and student interact in the best possible way. Thus, they treated me to the most fun I’ve ever had in one season. Nancy and Tristan now have the honor of being my favorite pair ever on DWTS, and there are only 2 other couples that I can remember much about (Gilles/Cheryl & Evan/Anna). Tristan and Nancy are in elite company. But I digress. I don’t mind that they didn’t win. They kept me watching every week - or at least the parts where I got to see Tristan and/or Nancy. An added bonus is that they mesmerized me, captivated me, and kept me out of the kitchen and away from my love affair with Ben and Jerry. I got way too hyper on Madness Mondays and was way worse on Torturous Tuesdays when I paced and fidgeted. It was either that or hit the Jack Daniels, and I don’t drink. So there you go. My personal trainer, Tristan, helped me lose 20 pounds without even dancing it away. Just imagine how good I would look if I was doing the Tango or Rumba or some other sexy little dance 7 hours a day with Tristan. So Tristan? How about it?  Wanna teach me to dance? I promise I’ll look stunning in the Argentine Tango outfit you’ll design for me. Yes, this is kind of a proposal. Or a proposition.
     So for my health, ABC needs to bring Tristan back next season. It would be even better if I, the famous writer that nobody really ever heard of, could be his celebrity partner.  
     Just picture this…..”And now, dancing the Argentine Tango, Shakespeare (Philly) and Tristan MacManus.”  Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

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[SWAT] So what if I've put on a few pounds since the good ol' fit high school days? Having epic munchie sessions after high school and being the giver of life more than once did not bode well for the waistline. All women know that if we aren’t jogging constantly every moment of every day of our lives, then gravity changes things and a few extra pounds take up residence on the backside. Imagine my surprise when I plopped myself down in front of the boob tube Season 13 and lost 10 pounds. About the only movement going on while watching were my fingers dancing furiously over the keys of my Netbook. Oh, and my jaw exercises, from all the times my mouth fell open during Tristan sightings. Yet, as I began morphing into more of a couch potato by the second, the calories kept on burning. No crazy fad diet or supplements for me. It was the whole “Mind Over Matter” concept. I watched Tristan and Nancy dance, sweat, and bicker and found myself feeling winded. As I watched Tristan schooling Miss Nancy around the ballroom floor and took their super hot chemistry during their performances, my heart rate got faster and stronger. The strawberry cheesecake in my fridge no longer became my focus.
     And so began my new fitness regimen - my very own Tristan Diet. Monday and Tuesday nights were always action packed and every week there was a different workout. The Week 1 Cha-Cha was a warm up, followed by the Quickstep for keeping the workout upbeat. On to the Slow Waltz for a brief cool down, the Paso for strength, the Rumba for the slow burn, the Foxtrot for conditioning, and ending with two high speed jive workouts and a no-holds barred Tango.  Of course the rest of the week was devoted to mini workouts: viewing endless video footage of practices. For mental stimulation, I viewed the behind the scene videos where Nancy and Tristan joked around and made the rest of us laugh. The entire regimen worked, and we all know that Tristan is really good for getting that blood pumping and improving our circulation. I also found that excessive drooling solved the water retention problem.
     The best part of the Tristan Diet is that you can eat whatever you want, but you need to close up the kitchen once DWTS starts. You might find yourself craving green vegetables because all you'll think about is how Tristan is Irish, and how you want to go to Ireland, and how Ireland is very green and therefore everything that's green must be delicious. I've never had such a hankering for broccoli....and green M&Ms.
     So as you can see ladies, you too can be successful on the Tristan Diet. Not only is it simple, and effective, but it's also one of those diets that you'll never tire of. This diet is the one that is going to stick.       

      

[Shakespeare]  Every woman loves a bad boy, and I’m not talking about the current real-life Bad Boy of the Ballroom, Maks Chmerkovskiy.  I’m talking more of the delicious, sweep you off your feet whether you want it or not, temptation personified, too hard to resist multi-faceted bad boy that is Tristan MacManus.  So you are probably wanting to know if we are watching the same show because you probably believe that there is no way we could possibly put the words Tristan MacManus and bad boy into the same sentence.  That’s what you think.  Here’s just one more reason why we love him.
     Since I first laid my peepers, uh, I mean, baby blues, on what is now commonly referred to among our hallowed grounds as “the bad boy photo”, I knew I was going to have to write something about it. As SWAT and I tossed around ideas for the next blog topic, I kept looking at our last one (those lips, in case you forgot). Then it hit me. Let’s talk about how Tristan embraced his inner bad boy and knocked us all for a loop many times this season. 
     Not that he’s bad. He’s not. He’s perfect. Really. But in the scheme of things, we all like to fantasize about that bad boy sweeping in on his Harley and whisking us away. Our favorite bad boy crept in a few times this season, and whoa baby, those were some moments to remember.  That same bad boy from TBBP (the bad boy photo) showed up later that day in the Rumba wearing the least likely color any hot bad boy would choose – magenta.  But holy moly, he wore it well while doing the perfect characterization: the flirtatious strut past Carrie Ann, a bit of joie de vivre, the arrogant swagger, the subtle movements of his hips, the defiant tilt of the chin, the “I don’t give a damn if you like me or not” attitude, and the “this is my woman, so don’t mess with me” smirk. So Tristan, go right ahead and embrace your inner James Dean. He. Is. Hot. 
     Then there’s that whole sexy bad boy that was a little less obvious but just as naughty and commanding who appeared in Cobra Starship’s “You Make Me Feel.” In our first Tristan sighting, Kym stands behind him, seemingly in control. It didn’t take long for His Naughtiness to get up out of that chair and take over, following that up with move after move of sharp, sexy precision that was oh so bad. And oh so good. His aura and take charge demeanor screamed “I am a Bad Boy, now what are ya gonna do about it? And what are ya gonna do with me?”  He pulled, he seduced, he mesmerized, and every single one of us wanted to be Kym at that very moment.
     Excuse me while I pause a moment to hyperventilate.  Take it away, SWAT.
                          
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[SWAT]  As Tristan embraces his inner James Dean and charms us with a perfect combination of angst and dangerously wicked good looks, we know he just might break our hearts, but we don't care; it’s all about the adventure. Shakespeare's bad boys showed us the rebel who is in complete control all the time, and he had the ladies wrapped around his little finger. You know he's bad, but you just can’t stop yourself from falling in love. Or lust. Whatever.
     My two Tristan-enhanced bad boys aren’t of the James Dean variety, but these charmers are frighteningly cool, confident, classic, and calculated...oh....and lethal to matters of the heart.
     First, we have the unlikely character from Broadway Week's Group Dance – the hunk that Shakespeare and I call ‘The Madame's Bad Boy Customer’.  Remember him?  The atypical bad boy persona.  In this performance, Tristan ended up being the showcase of the male pros, and he brought us that perfect blend of boyish charm and manly swagger (or as Shakes calls it – ‘he-man swagger’).  He could have had any woman he wanted in that line-up, but our Bad Boy wanted something more tangible – experience. Enter the Madame who is positioned at the head of the line. Our Bad Boy Customer confidently saunters up, centers his eyes on the Madame, slides his arm around her neck, and with a sexy all-knowing grin, slips away with his prize. He's going to be a happy customer.
     Bring on my next Tristan Bad Boy persona; he's sleek, he's romantic, he might sweep you off your feet, but is capable of killing you where you stand.  Yes ladies, I'm talking about our very own Tango Bad Boy or Tristan/007. He's into martinis, tango head whips, seducing women with his velvety smooth charm, and has an affinity for a lady in fish net stockings. He's lethal and seductive, and he knows just how to woo our Naughty Lady of Shady Lane. Sure, she's been around the lane a few times and has broken a dozen hearts (forget that whole nine days old crap), but Tango Bad Boy will not be outdone; no woman ever resists for long.
     After that little trip into bad boy fantasy-land, it’s back to reality.
     It is actually kind of wonderful that our sweet Tristan can transform himself into the multi-dimensional bad boy when choreography requires it, and that, my friends, is the sign of a true artist. Others should watch and learn from the master.

_[Shakespeare]   Okay. Get your mind out of the gutter.  We are so not going where you think we’re going.  SWAT and I are keeping it classy, remember? This is serious stuff with lots of research involved; countless hours of video were analyzed, photos were checked with a magnifying glass (no, we really didn’t do that), and we frequently had our faces pressed against the computer monitor to make sure we saw everything just right (true story).
     Here we go. There’s nothing to blush about, nothing to be shocked at, and nothing deserving more of a response than “Yeah. I already knew that.” No banishment to the dungeon for improper behavior, no being sent to the woodshed for acting up.
     So Tristan MacManus. You’re just about as perfect as a man can get (if you’re not, don’t spoil the illusion, okay?)  I’m going to start with THOSE LIPS.
     Holy guacamole. My eyes darn near bugged out of my head when I saw what the MacManiacs lovingly call the Bad Boy Photo. You know the one – he’s coming out of the trailer after hair and make-up in his bad boy rumba costume. I do believe I heard a group “yowza” after that photo became public knowledge. Soon after, our own Bad Boy enhanced the computer wallpaper of MacManiacs worldwide.  As SWAT said to me once, those damn lips are hypnotizing. I don’t even know how lips can be hypnotizing – but his are. So there you have it. Sure, this is a little bit shallow and all, but it seemed worthy of a blog – just because.

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[SWAT] To say that I had a “Yowza” moment when I saw the Tristan Bad Boy Photo is putting it mildly. I jumped on the computer wallpaper bandwagon with gusto and plastered it on my desktop, in tile format. I think I even took one of my kids' kaleidoscopes and giggled like a fangirl (who, me?) as the scores of Tristan patterns went off in every direction and stared back at me from every angle. My friends, you truly have not experienced Tristan until you see him through a kaleidoscope; try it, you will not be disappointed.
     But back to the lips.Yes I do recall the day that I was chatting with Shakespeare and those gorgeous lips seemed to be honing me in, hence why I think they are hypnotic. I even find myself not only loving the “Tristan Pout” (Bad Boy Pic), but I just adore the way that when he smiles, his bottom lip pokes out, and then a multitude of swoony thoughts float around in my mind. No, I'm not going into too much detail here, you can come up with your own conclusions because I'm sure that you've thought of these a time or two all by yourself. Let's just bring it out into the open that all y’all have your minds in the gutter (us, too).
     So when we all see the adorable picture of Tristan backstage in his Straight Jacket Team Tango costume, (we call it the Straight Jacket Lady Killer photo) and he's staring back at you with that supple bottom lip poking out from the rest of that delectable simper of his, well, let your imagination soar…….

 

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[Shakespeare] The ideas for this blog come from the strangest places. Usually SWAT and I talk, get distracted, and forget what we want to write. Then something bizarre triggers an idea. This time, the inspiration came from Kelly Clarkson. She had the pleasure of having Tristan and Kym dance while she sang – something that she said was, in her words, “distracting.” My favorite comment? “I flipped out though…they were hot….they were doing some helllloooooo.” So that is what I mean by distracting – diverting the attention or preventing concentration.

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[SWAT] And yes, we laugh at the thought of Tristan being a distraction, mostly because we have all been there....all of us....this means you, so don't go acting like the thought of Tristan doesn’t make you miss your turn on the way to work because “Mr. Know It All” is the radio. See, Kelly C is also a distraction. Why, you ask? Well, because now every time one of her songs comes on the radio, I immediately think about Tristan flipping Kym over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing more than a farthing and then Rumba-ing the rest of us into a state of “drooling comatoseness” (For definition, refer to the Wise Words thread in MML). We giggle at something as harmless as having Tristan's deliciously handsome mug gracing our computer screen. I'm a huge advocate, so much so that I even have Tristan wallpaper on my work computer. Apparently everyone I work with is from Mars and has never watched DWTS; I'm always getting asked about the guy in the leather vest with the pouty lips who is on my computer. I just say that he's my cousin who is performing on Broadway. They then tell me that he's cute, and I just nod my head politely and change the subject. But no, that's not it for the Tristan wallpaper distractions. I have actually found myself staring at it for long periods of time, and then realize that I have about 10 new voicemails. Nope. I never heard one of those calls come in. Of course this is all Tristan's fault for being so distracting, but we don't care; it's almost as if we welcome the frequent space-outs. Distractions are good.

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[Shakespeare] So you want more proof? I was reading an online blog from the Wall Street Journal a couple of weeks ago, and the writer was talking about the little spat Tristan and Nancy got into during Tango rehearsal. Forget about the spat. Here is what the writer said: “Eventually, she [Nancy] listens to her pro. Tristan is in a tux. Tristan’s hair is slicked back. Tristan is smokin’. I’m as distracted as Kelly Clarkson. Right – time to analyze the tango.” So there you have it. Tristan is a distraction, but a nice one. The man is now a household name, and I’ll prove it. (See? I really don’t make this stuff up.) Continue on…........
     One day I was out with my writers’ group at Starbucks, and we got off topic and started voting Tristan for DAD just because, well, that’s what we do sometimes when we’re supposed to be editing (another distraction). One of my friends made a comment about Tristan. The barista heard us and said, “Are you talking about Tristan MacManus? The dancer on Dancing With the Stars?” (I guess he’s kind of like Elvis now). When we responded affirmatively, she told us she and all her friends voted all their votes for Tristan and Nancy and that he was a constant distraction. Why? Because, she said, and I paraphrase here – ‘the man is so gifted and talented, gorgeous and charismatic, how could he not be a distraction? He’s the best thing to happen to that show since it started.” So Mr. MacManus, distract away. We love you. Apparently the baristas do too. You don’t have to be Elvis. Tristan will do nicely.

_ [Shakespeare] In my little corner of the globe, when we talk chivalry, we talk medieval times and knights with a special code of honor. Courtesy, kindness, and valor were the rule, not the exception. I suppose Tristan’s Spamalot knight was a little of that, but in this case I’m talking 21st century chivalry – something that has nothing to do with shields, swords, and lots of chain mail.
     Just for fun, let’s start with our own Spamalot knight and his adorable sense of adventure as he led Nancy through, in my opinion, the most entertaining dance of the season (along with Carson and the lovely Anna and their Moves Like Jagger Cha-Cha of course). Our chivalrous knight had a spring in his step and a song in his heart, and he made us all smile. Bottom line? Sir Tristan just flat out brought it.
     Somewhere along the way, I read that a big part of chivalry was being kind to all women. There you have it. Not that we’ve watched hours of video or anything (okay, so we have), but a couple of things stand out. During the results show of Week 7, as the bottom 2 couples descended the steps to await their fate, Tristan politely lifted the length of Kym’s dress that was trailing behind her to make sure she didn’t fall – and he held it until they reached the end of the steps. Then there was the paparazzi video (yep, watched those too) of a week 9 rehearsal where we saw a very tired Karina struggling with 2 large dance bags as she arrived at the studio. Tristan was speaking with the paparazzi (graciously as always) and Karina was clearly exhausted and not having the best day. Tristan simply put his arm around her, kissed her cheek, and slid one bag off of her shoulder and carried it himself. Dang it, the man is a gentleman. Those kinds of things might not seem like much, but along with his extraordinary kindness to the paparazzi, I would say that’s pretty special. And rare. (Note: He and Nancy were always, always kind and polite to the paparazzi as they took time to speak with them).
     So I’m going to have to say it. Chivalry isn’t dead after all.
              
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[SWAT] There seems to be a dry spell going on in the manners department, especially when it comes to the male population. What happened to the days when a man would stand when a woman enters the room, or hold the door open for her as they enter a building or open her car door. Or if you want to go further back, I can tell you by my excessive watching of BBC and Jane Austen movies that once introduced to a woman in a social setting, he would bow to the woman, and she would then curtsy. Wouldn't that make things interesting in the world's current state of blatant rudeness and poor behavior? How great would it be if people bowed to each other upon meeting?
Well I guess if y’all are wondering what I'm getting at here, it's very simple. Tristan MacManus would be the first man to do the bowing if he thought that it was the proper behavior. And yes, instead of curtsying back, I think my knees would buckle and I'd fall over. From what I've seen of the man and how he treats women, he's as close to a Mr. Darcy as I have ever seen (well, maybe with more of a Bingley sort of happy personality).
     Not only have I witnessed the chivalrous behavior that Shakespeare mentioned, but I also recall a very specific segment from The View, where Nancy and Tristan made their way up onto the stage for their interview and along the way said their pleasantries....pleasantries being that Tristan has to kiss every woman on the panel. After all that was said and done I noticed that Tristan still did not actually sit down until all of the ladies, including Nancy, were comfortably seated. More men should take notes from Sir Tristan.