Sometimes ladies you just have to tell propriety to “suck it” and let things fly. We have always tried to be restrained in our thoughts and ideas about Tristan, but this week we just had to take a break from all of the introspective crap and wallow in some “shallow” waters. Since we've spent the entire week searching for and editing the most delicious pictures of Tristan, we've decided to pick a couple of our personal favorites and give you our real opinions of them. Forget the artistic photos, or the really sweet pictures (no nothing's wrong with them, they just don't work for this particular angle). We are looking for HOT photos, and these photos just make us want to ramble off a good old fashioned Tristan rant about stuff really important to us. Stuff like how pretty he is. Stuff like how we want to dance with him. Stuff like that. Shallow stuff. Stuff that distracts, enchants, mystifies, enthralls, and yeah, seduces us too. We had to refill our emergency oxygen tanks just to write this one, and we had to get it over with in a hurry because we were spending way too much time, ogling, er, we mean analyzing the pretty pictures. The bottom line is that these photos are being evaluated strictly on the old hotness factor. That’s it.
Photo Courtesy of sgnews.yahoo.com
SWAT: First of all, I have decided that Shakes is no fun. She read my original part of the blog and made me edit out half of that sucker because she thought that I was being a little, shall we say, inappropriate in my comments. I mean, really, me? She's acting like I was lusting for Tristan or having impure thoughts. Okay, so maybe I do have a tendency to get carried away sometimes. I admit it. I guess she's the responsible one of the group after all. She will probably write something revoltingly sickening about the picture reminding her of a lovely waltz. I won't hold that against her. Now there's nothing wrong with the waltz, but my selected photo reminds me in no way, shape, nor form of the waltz, and in fact, it doesn't even remind me of dancing.
I'm ready to let my bawdy southern girl out and use words like “hawt” and phrases like “Tristan's so sexy he makes me want to smack my momma.” Now I don't normally promote momma smackin' but this picture makes me want to exclaim it. I have always imagined that if the MML MacManiacs got together for a DWTS viewing party, there would be so much uncensored conversation about Tristan that we would all be locked away in the dungeon with the key tossed away. As I see it, pretty much any TV appearance and/or Tristan photo gives me naughty thoughts and then sends me into a subsequent daydream that I choose not to share or that I cannot share for fear of being banisheed. So after warning you about all this, then I’m going to ask that you turn your attention to my chosen photo, if you haven't already, and listen to me rant on about it. At least, the censored rant.
First of all notice in this photo that nothing that Tristan is wearing, matches? It honestly is a hodgepodge of different clothes and styles, including the brown duffel bag he's got slung over that nicely broad sexy man shoulder. This seems like it could be an innocently “cute” picture of Tristan, but I'm telling you this photo has the potential to cause a nuclear meltdown. One thought that comes to mind is that this is what he left the house wearing one morning because he overslept. This beautifully snug black t-shirt is probably what he slept in the night before, so super sexy morning bedhead Tristan was rolling around in it all night while dreaming about me. HAWT!!!! I’m not getting carried away yet, am I? Oh too bad. It’s my dream.
There are many MANY things about this picture that I find myself panting over. Tristan's overall effortless look is hot, and even the little red pops of color on his shoes are oddly fascinating. I could go on about the tousled bedhead that makes me swoon, his tight fitting black shirt that hugs his perfectly cut (not too bulky but not skinny either) chest. You can tell he's been rehearsing, and that he's probably all sweaty. No worries there. It doesn’t matter. This photo is the stuff fantasies are made of. The clean cut bad boy is as enticing as any bad boy because we know what simmers just beneath the surface. He has the capacity to transform into many diverse characters on the ballroom stage, and every single one is just another facet of Tristan himself. But forget the characters, the acting, and the bad boy. There is one thing about this picture that just sets me off into cross-eyed girl bliss. You can totally wonder where Tristan could possibly be going in this picture. Of course, he's coming home to see you cause he's your inexplicably clean cut bad boy boyfriend who's just gotten home from rehearsal….yeah, and I’m going to leave it at that except for the part where he takes you off for a nice walk down to The Cold Stone Creamery, where you split a Gotta Have It sized “Founders Favorite” sundae and he feeds you spoonfuls of sweet cream ice cream and brownie bits. I'm already letting out a Tristan induced operatic “Hallelujah” right now!
Screen Cap Courtesy of ABC
SHAKES: Here's the thing. I. Am. In Love.
Not with my husband, not with Gilles Marini, and not with my really cute pet fish that is usually more fun than my husband. Today I am in love with the man in the picture to your left. Frankly, my eyes have crossed 73 times today - every time i look at that delicious screen cap, I think of dancing, dancing with Tristan, dancing with The Lover from the previous blog, and unlocking all the mysteries to the character he portrays.
First of all, is he not gorgeous? That photo projects power, sensuality, passion, and intensity. And don’t forget sexuality, heat, desire, and that whole love and lust battle that is supposed to command a rumba but very rarely does. When I win the DublinDown330 raffle, I’ve already declared that I will be doing the Samba – the party dance – because I’m all about the party and all. But I might have to mix it up and throw in a little Rumba – maybe we’ll call it the Ramba or the Sumba. I’m sure Tristan, the dreamboat will go for it. Maybe it will be the Sexy Hips dance – Ill just sit on the floor and watch the sexy hips move. It's my fantasy, and I can do what I want.
If, however, he doesn’t go for the hybridization of dances, we’ll take the Peta moves and throw them into my new performance number, which I will master in one hour in my own little messed up fantasy. That will be one little happy dance. The reality is that it would take me years to learn how to do three basic moves, and I know it, but this whole fantasy thing is kind of fun because I can do what I want. Let’s think about this logically. Those arms are stretched out. Remember how Peta ran to him and he used one arm to twirl her around? That was hot. Hotter than hot. I want to do that, but I imagine when I grab him to hold on for dear life (assuming I could run across the floor in my Dr. Scholls wooden sandals – I mean my gold dancing shoes), I would probably pull him down to the floor or he would get a hernia or something. Plan B involves that move that he and Peta did early on where he gave a little bounce to prepare himself for her to launch herself high against his chest and drape her body around his like, well, shrink wrap. Can I do that please? I asked SWAT and she said, “No, no, and hell no.” She probably just wants to do it herself, or she thinks I'll strangle him with my kneecaps.
So what conclusions can I draw from the delicious screen cap? I can tell the man knows how to convey about 90 emotions in one smoldering look. I know his arms are incredibly sexy, and he’s buff and fit without looking like a body builder. I like that he has on the vest without the shirt; it’s just enough to make me crazy, and I am always at my best when I’m a little bit crazy. Tristan planned it that way, I’m sure. He makes me crazy.