This post needs very little in the way of introduction. We saw a lot of things wrong and a lot of things right with Week 3 but we narrowed it down to just six. For a change, the two of us (the two of us being SWAT and Shakes) agreed on things. So enjoy our mini-blog, and trust us, we're not done yet. We have a long list of things we want to talk about.
1.There is a huge difference between constructive criticism and being rude. D.L. might not be the best dancer in the field, but he’s in it for the right reasons – to learn to dance and to go a little out of his comfort zone. We wish somebody could explain to us why he got rudeness while others got a pat on the head. Len needs to read Emily Post’s rules of etiquette because that rude crap was just, well, rude. Tristan said it best himself in a rare tweet - this one sent this to D. L. on April 3: @RealDLHughley keep doing it my man. Oh yes, Tristan, you get it, but then we’ve always known that.
2. Not only are we going to miss Dorothy, but we’re going to miss Wynonna. Here are two very different ladies from very different backgrounds who had very different styles; both wanted to dance, both wanted to try something different, and both ended up leaving the show way too soon. The whole point of the show is to give celebrities who have never danced (other than at a bar, wedding, or bar mitzvah) the chance to learn. With Wynonna going home, we aren't going to be able to see her progress and with her enormous fan base, we're sure we aren't the only ones who are bummed to see her leave before she blossomed. There are at least 5 couples we would willingly say goodbye to with a not so fond, “Don’t let the door hit your butt on the way out.” We would happily elaborate, but choose instead to follow the example of Dorothy, Tristan, Wynonna, and Tony and keep it classy.
3. The best part of this season is not the ten remaining couples. Instead it is Tristan MacManus, who through a 12 second Trio Dance to “A Little Less Conversation” told the world who the star of DWTS really is. Oh sure, we know it’s the pros and not the celebrities that draw people to the show and all the pros have large followings, but between the sexy trio and the dominating presence in the Men of Season 16 dance, we have no doubt that Tristan MacManus has moved to the head of the class. Coincidence? We think not, you might as well call him Professor because he’s the one giving lessons.
4. Costumes are quite often nightmares made of silk, satin, tulle, and some other mystery fabrics but less is not best, and nobody wore the following to prom: 1) whatever Peta had on that was a miniscule scrap of a doily that we used for tea parties when we were three 2) an unbuttoned shirt or no shirt a la Jacoby because you wouldn’t get in the front door of prom, nor would your mama or your daddy let you out of the house with that scoundrel. That’s what you wear during the after prom party when you're hammered or perhaps when you’re thinking of getting a room. 3) cat suits at Kentucky high school proms or proms in Asheville, N.C. were no-nos and would get you turned away at the door, thus making you miss the crepe paper streamers and the disco ball in the center of the school gymnasium 4) Nobody does a Paso Doble, a Rumba,and certainly not a Viennese Waltz at any prom. Instead you stand in the middle of the floor and gyrate or wrap yourself around your date like shrink wrap. Or, if you're in a more conservative atmosphere, you do the slow dance where you have at least a foot of space between you and your date and you rock awkwardly back and forth like Napoleon Dynamite and Deb while listening to “Forever Young” by Alphaville. Next Prom Week, we’re designing the costumes, picking the dances, and choreographing too. Tristan will probably love that. Better yet. Dump the Prom Week theme. It’s hideous.
5. You can’t ride a motorcycle into prom especially when your helmet is half of a ridiculous glittery ball and you certainly can’t row your boat into the gym. Ever heard of less is more? Somehow we don't think the rest of the couples got the memo on what is exactly correct for Prom Prop-age (is that even a word?) In other words, this ain’t the islands, dudes and dudettes. And we seriously doubt that the beautiful people of Jamaica row their dates across the crystal blue waters to their proms. Do we need to get into the complete bizarreness of Peta’s prom attire again? YMCA or not, she would be in the county jail if she had worn that mess. How about a little authenticity?
6. The only true prom queen and king – if we have to go there – should have been Dorothy and Tristan. That would have been the classy thing to do, but yeah, we probably don’t even need to explain. Classy. DWTS. Not to be used in the same sentence. Zendaya, as we were informed too many times within an hour long segment, had never been to prom because she is too young. And Jacoby...really? The football player...a prom king? How original. Sheesh. Give the Queen to status to Dorothy because she's had the life experience for years before Zendaya was a glimmer in her parent's eyes. And Tristan...well let's just call him the DWTS Most Valuable Player and therefore worthy of the title of Prom King.
Inspiration for next week’s blog to come from next week’s best year’s/personal stories/cryfest. Oh this will be fun. Stay tuned for some literary fireworks.