[Shakespeare] So here’s the thing. Beginning with Week 1 (Cha Cha week, of course), I didn’t rush into the kitchen for peanut butter and chocolate ice cream when I was bored. Frankly, DWTS has bored me a lot over the last few seasons for a lot of reasons – mostly because too many prima donnas took away from the fun. The pros had been recycling their choreography, and behavior patterns were way too predictable; even the results were predictable.This season was the first where I didn’t get up from the couch from the time the show began until it ended. Now don’t go all crazy and think that I sat stupidly watching two hours of a lot of filler while in some kind of trance while also lovin’ all the dancing. Not even close. I muted the tv for most of it, recorded it, and went back to watch the good parts.This way, I didn't have to listen to the crap, but I also got a good sense of who could dance and who couldn't, who has chemistry and who doesn’t, and who is having fun. Or not.
Now I bet you’re wondering about those good parts. For me, they consisted of few memorable performances by various pairs other than Tristan and Nancy (I can count them on one hand),and a few pro dances (some I loved, some I rolled my eyes and said “again?”). I can guarantee, however, that I watched and loved every single Tristan and Nancy dance. Do I care if the dances weren’t technically the best? Nope, because Tristan and Nancy had something nobody else had – something that kept my butt on my couch, laptop in hand voting like crazy (yeah, I know you think that whole sitting on my butt thing wasn’t good because you probably think it made it spread even more, but keep reading). Tristan and Nancy had chemistry – a special brand of crazy, sexy, fun, wild, over-the-top, whole lotta fun kind of chemistry. All that bickering nonsense amused me endlessly because even though we know the footage was edited, it showed something else: passion for the performance, passion for keeping it real, and oh yeah, did I mention chemistry?
Tristan and Nancy were perfectly matched. She needed a strong teacher; he is a magnificent teacher and magical choreographer. He tells a story with each dance, and never, ever over dances to upstage his partner for scoring purposes (future blog teaser here). Nancy was a dancing novice with a strong personality. This unlikely duo created powerful fireworks and that made me watch just to see the teacher and student interact in the best possible way. Thus, they treated me to the most fun I’ve ever had in one season. Nancy and Tristan now have the honor of being my favorite pair ever on DWTS, and there are only 2 other couples that I can remember much about (Gilles/Cheryl & Evan/Anna). Tristan and Nancy are in elite company. But I digress. I don’t mind that they didn’t win. They kept me watching every week - or at least the parts where I got to see Tristan and/or Nancy. An added bonus is that they mesmerized me, captivated me, and kept me out of the kitchen and away from my love affair with Ben and Jerry. I got way too hyper on Madness Mondays and was way worse on Torturous Tuesdays when I paced and fidgeted. It was either that or hit the Jack Daniels, and I don’t drink. So there you go. My personal trainer, Tristan, helped me lose 20 pounds without even dancing it away. Just imagine how good I would look if I was doing the Tango or Rumba or some other sexy little dance 7 hours a day with Tristan. So Tristan? How about it? Wanna teach me to dance? I promise I’ll look stunning in the Argentine Tango outfit you’ll design for me. Yes, this is kind of a proposal. Or a proposition.
So for my health, ABC needs to bring Tristan back next season. It would be even better if I, the famous writer that nobody really ever heard of, could be his celebrity partner.
Just picture this…..”And now, dancing the Argentine Tango, Shakespeare (Philly) and Tristan MacManus.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
[SWAT] So what if I've put on a few pounds since the good ol' fit high school days? Having epic munchie sessions after high school and being the giver of life more than once did not bode well for the waistline. All women know that if we aren’t jogging constantly every moment of every day of our lives, then gravity changes things and a few extra pounds take up residence on the backside. Imagine my surprise when I plopped myself down in front of the boob tube Season 13 and lost 10 pounds. About the only movement going on while watching were my fingers dancing furiously over the keys of my Netbook. Oh, and my jaw exercises, from all the times my mouth fell open during Tristan sightings. Yet, as I began morphing into more of a couch potato by the second, the calories kept on burning. No crazy fad diet or supplements for me. It was the whole “Mind Over Matter” concept. I watched Tristan and Nancy dance, sweat, and bicker and found myself feeling winded. As I watched Tristan schooling Miss Nancy around the ballroom floor and took their super hot chemistry during their performances, my heart rate got faster and stronger. The strawberry cheesecake in my fridge no longer became my focus.
And so began my new fitness regimen - my very own Tristan Diet. Monday and Tuesday nights were always action packed and every week there was a different workout. The Week 1 Cha-Cha was a warm up, followed by the Quickstep for keeping the workout upbeat. On to the Slow Waltz for a brief cool down, the Paso for strength, the Rumba for the slow burn, the Foxtrot for conditioning, and ending with two high speed jive workouts and a no-holds barred Tango. Of course the rest of the week was devoted to mini workouts: viewing endless video footage of practices. For mental stimulation, I viewed the behind the scene videos where Nancy and Tristan joked around and made the rest of us laugh. The entire regimen worked, and we all know that Tristan is really good for getting that blood pumping and improving our circulation. I also found that excessive drooling solved the water retention problem.
The best part of the Tristan Diet is that you can eat whatever you want, but you need to close up the kitchen once DWTS starts. You might find yourself craving green vegetables because all you'll think about is how Tristan is Irish, and how you want to go to Ireland, and how Ireland is very green and therefore everything that's green must be delicious. I've never had such a hankering for broccoli....and green M&Ms.
So as you can see ladies, you too can be successful on the Tristan Diet. Not only is it simple, and effective, but it's also one of those diets that you'll never tire of. This diet is the one that is going to stick.