During this upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars, you can expect a little fun, some really great performances, a lot of flat performances, some inflated scoring, some non-quicksteps trying to pass as quicksteps, a whole lot of attempts at sexy with very little actual sexy, a bunch of perfect scores thrown in all season long (most of them will be undeserved), and the overuse of props. That’s a given. But we don’t think the team that you might expect for the judges to be fawning all over will be the one to bring in that first perfect '10’. We do not believe that it will be Gilles and Peta, Shawn and Derek, or Karina and Apolo. Nope, this season will be full of surprises, and the biggest surprise of all will be that Tristan and Pamela will get that first ‘10’. We don’t know when, and we don’t know for what dance, but we’re predicting it anyway. Bold predictions are what we’re all about after all. So in the tradition of David Letterman, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Tristan MacManus and Pamela Anderson will be the first team to score a 10 from the judges in Season 15.
10. Because Tristan is very strong, Pamela is very flexible, she has the best legs ever on DWTS, and the flicks and kicks for the Jive and all of that sharp action/reaction stuff in the Argentine Tango are tailor-made for Team Whatever Their Name Is and the legs of Ms. Pamela Anderson. Just picture it. Pamela could be sitting at Burger King and be sexy. And Tristan? Holy Hot Irishman, Batman. Yep. You see where it’s going.
9. Because the judges won’t be able to stop themselves from drooling over the combination of blonde bombshell wild hair and mischievous Irish wagging tongues. This is something never tried before on DWTS, and you know anything innovative and exciting will be the talk of Wetpaint the following day. Publicity is always great, and Tristan and Pamela are going to generate plenty of conversation. Do you remember how Wetpaint was all over the Kym and Tristan Rumba from Season 13? After a Tristan and Pamela Rumba, the Kym/Tristan Rumba will be labeled “lukewarm” and fade away to a distant memory.
8. Because Tristan and Pamela are just so darned pretty. No further explanation needed. There isn’t a better looking, better matched, more smokin’ hot couple this season. We also might have mentioned that they are sexy – and sex(y) sells.
7. Because Len will lose his favorite pair of cranky pants once he sees Tristan and Pamela do a technically sound yet flirty Cha Cha that is actually a Cha Cha and not a hip hop dance masquerading as a Cha Cha, not a Cha Cha that is really a Lambada, and not a Cha Cha disguised as the Macarena. Tristan is a dance purist, remember?
6. Because Carrie Anne won’t be able to resist screeching, “That was on fiiiiyaaaaaaa!” once she sees Tristan and Pamela shake it, bend it, move it, and roll it around in the perfect Samba Roll.
5. Because Bruno is going to get hot and bothered; count on it. He wants heat? He’s going to get it - more than the ballroom can probably stand. In Season 13, the judges didn’t want a sexy Rumba from Tristan and Nancy because they felt it would be inappropriate. [insert eye roll here]. By Season 14, the judges wanted the sexy Rumba with Gladys. Tristan was right; that comment was stupid. Back to the hot and bothered element. Let’s face it; Tristan and Pamela are going to slide right to the top of the DWTS “Sexiest Couple of All Time” listings. Gilles and Cheryl and William and Cheryl are already kind of forgotten.
4. Because the word "10" is all the judges are going to be able to squeal after they see the Rumba to beat all Rumbas. Is there any doubt at all on this one? Remember Pamela and Damian? Remember all that, well, sex? Uh huh. Thought so.
3. Because let’s face it – the other 12 couples are going to be just fine and have some fun, but nobody can match the pure chemistry between Tristan and Pamela that we can already feel - - and there are still a couple of weeks before rehearsals start. 3 words: Smokin’ hot ballroom.
2. Because the judges are going to be desperate to keep Tristan and Pamela around just to see what kind of lust/love/heat/passion/intensity/sensuality they can bring the following week in Tristan’s version of “trouble.”
1. Because week after week the song title “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” by Bachman Turner Overdrive is going to reverberate in our heads – and their heads - (the heads of the producers, fans, judges, American people, people of the world, creatures on the planets, aliens of the universe). In other words, we’ve been waiting for this forever. This is the Team NobodyElseHasEverBeenThisHot playlist for Season 15. In fact, even if these songs aren’t part of their repertoire, you will think they are because your brain will be so fried you won’t know the difference.
"Hot, Hot, Hot" (easy choice)
"You Shook Me All Night Long" (uh yeah – you know where this is going)
"Sexual Healing" ( Remember when Gilles and Cheryl tried it for their Rumba, and it fell flat? Not this time)
"Turn Off the Lights" (yep, that's right)
"Do Ya Think I’m Sexy" (of course, we do. Both of you are sexy as sin)
"Turn Me Loose" (okay, Tristan, here's your chance to show 'em how it's done)
"Wicked Game" (because this is one of those 'have mercy' songs that will probably cause the faint of heart to be hospitalized)
"I Didn’t Mean To Turn You On" (of course they did)
"Burning Down the House" (in the figurative sense)
"Eternal Flame" (it'll be burning from Week 1 straight through to the finale)
"The Heat Is On" (it certainly is)
And since Mr. MacManus has already warned us that trouble is brewing, how about these?
And our favorite “Fever.”
Finally, it seems only fitting that that last dance of the season goes to Tristan and Pamela - “We Are the Champions.”
Are you getting the general idea now?