Part I: The Nancy Grace “Dancing” Special (or 'You Sexy Thing')

     The title is kind of self-explanatory, and I will get to that soon enough, but first of all, let me say that I miss my partner in crime, SWAT, who has just qualified for sainthood by driving 12 hours straight with her 2 young kiddies. Last night, she got the speed-talking 3 minute recap of the show while she was in transit, which hopefully held her over until she could check out the full yawn-inducing version.
     It is hard to know exactly where to start - I mean with all that sexiness, sensuality, and intensity all over the place - but I’ll try.  Buckle up, ladies, because heeeeeere we go!
     I’m not the most patient woman in the world, and all of the show’s spoilers got me all stirred up and made me even more hyper than usual. The first promotion – the whole “this is filmed by Miramax, or MGM, or somebody big” promo – made me laugh because it teased me with the possibilities. Then Maks showed us around Dance With Me Soho and calmly told us about the little production called “The Nancy Grace Show.” Really?  For MacManiacs, it was also “The Show That Had Us Risking Life As We Know It To Make Sure We Watched At 8 p.m. EST.” I told my kids to not even think about speaking to me from 15 minutes before the show started until well after it ended and I had watched it again 70 or 80 times. Then they could speak. I threatened bodily harm to any who dared to make noise by rustling around in a bag of Doritos, sneezing, or even tiptoeing across the floor. As far as the husband? I told him to just go away because I was going to watch and ogle; then I was going to write an epic-length recap so that SWAT and all those who don’t get to watch could read every teeny little sexy detail.  
     Back to the title You Sexy Thing. Does it really need an explanation? All I could think of when Tristan appeared last night was that stupid song by Hot Chocolate, so I took the creative liberty of changing the show’s name to something a little more, oh, shall we say, to the point.

     “You Sexy Thing” begins with a musical montage showing us the all-star lineup; we see a bit of JR and Karina winning DWTS, and more of the craziness that is Carson. Nancy’s introduction assures us that her Bombshell Tonight is focusing on fun, and she hints at the dance-off to come and about those lucky people they bring in off the street to dance with the pros (experimental guinea pigs).  “PICK ME!!!!” I shouted, scaring everybody within 3 miles and terrorizing all the dogs on the block.  It’s too bad I wasn’t in NY at the time; I would have been pushy and obnoxious enough to get chosen.  But we don’t get to see that anyway, nor do we get to hear the call-ins with the questions that she talks about. That’s okay.  Instead, she talks about Carson, Val, Maks, and Tony. Then she mentions her partner, “the best dancer in the world, Tristan MacManus.”  Awwwww, Nancy.  And yeah, we all agree. It’s no contest.  She also promises that she is going to teach poor Maks how to dance (next week, I assume).
     Nancy (who looks beautiful, by the way) begins by talking to Karina and JR, who, in Nancy’s words, was last seen “holding the mirror ball that really should have been mine.”  She makes fun of Karina’s "ribbons down her body” costume and they talk about the fact that JR is going to be a daddy. They poke good fun at Team PPPPaso and how that team unfairly won the team dance because of poor judging. Then they get into the whole discussion of how Tristan once told Nancy that “the male dancers really don’t have that much to do,” and how the man is the frame and the woman is the picture in dance. Apparently, the man can stand and “look strong” while the woman does all the work. Yeah, that sounds about right in most things, but that’s another story for another time, and I’m not going to digress. Maks clarified a bit that the male celebrities can have a little easier time than the female celebrities.
     Carson continues his flirtation with Maks who good-naturedly goes along with it. Carson encourages Maks to “feel the guns” but Maks swears he can’t find them. The discussion then leads to Season 14 where none of the pros could say for sure if they would be back. Nancy clearly has been reading our forum; she said if you want these pros back, go online and tell ABC/DWTS Season 14 to bring them back. Don’t we have a thread on MML with this very concept? Nancy says that if we don’t do this “Tristan will be laying bricks in Ireland, and I don’t want that to happen.”  [lots of laughter]   
     One of the funniest segments was the discussion on how partners are chosen, and the zingers were flying.  Nancy says that she asked for Maks as her partner but that was before she knew he had a little brother because that changed things, and Tristan said he asked NOT to get Nancy.  Maks said he asked for Carson and Carson said he asked for Maks and that it was “shocking” that they weren’t partnered.  Nancy asked how Carson could possibly choose between Val, Maks, and Tristan, and he said, “Why choose?”  Carson insisted that he and Val were “pure magic” in the finale and that he had danced with everybody but Tristan and that they would dance later.

      Nancy challenges Carson to a Dance-Off. Now we don’t actually see Carson dance, so I’m not sure where the Dance-Off comes in, but who cares? This is hot. First of all I wouldn’t complain about dancing with Val and Tristan – all within a 2 minute time span.  Life is indeed good for Miss Nancy. Val is superb, he has great chemistry with Nancy, and they are adorable, even a little bit sexy.  But then The Man steps up to show ‘em how it’s really done, and the heat index escalates to immeasurable proportions.
     Could Tristan have played the multiple roles of performer/teacher/heartthrob/sex symbol (okay those last 2 were my doing) any better? The ‘awwww’ moment comes when he tilts Nancy’s chin up to make sure she is maintaining proper form. He hums along (off key, but who cares?) to keep her on track, he does his ‘bum bum bum’ counting of the beats, and Nancy rocks the jive. And Tristan? Well, he is the jive master who right in the middle of the dance, looks at the camera and says, “She still has it.”  Now is it any wonder that Nancy has a silly grin plastered on her face the whole time? I would too, if I got to dance with all that smoldering sensuality. The bottom line? Tristan MacManus sizzles, and I’ll debate it to the death with any and all takers.  He dances with finesse, style, and a whole lot of attitude.  Remember that little snap of the head after he says “she still has it?” He has confidence and more confidence. That is sexy.  By the way, that dance has THE perfect ending. Nancy sits in the chair, Tristan kisses her hand, Val hugs her, and then kisses her hand. More hugs and kisses. I would be smiling too.  In fact, I want me some of THAT.

     Val and Daria dance, and we get to see the delicious promo for next week where Nancy and Tristan are “trying out new moves.” Nancy mentions that Tristan never taught her to “shake her booty”, but Carson interrupts and he and Maks show us their special move – Maks flips Carson. They take a bow, and Nancy uses her famous finger quotes to say that that Carson’s “still got it.” 
     Tony is on a Disney cruise with his family but talks to Nancy via phone. Carson said the hardest part of the show is not knowing what you are doing. Maks said the most difficult part is to have to prove that the star can dance, and he loves teaching but the pressure of the time constraints is difficult.
     And about every 8 seconds we see the promo for next week with all that new dancing where Tristan dips Nancy back and kisses her cheek.  Dear Nancy:  Could I please be your body double?

     Enter Carson as the new host. He interviews Val who talks about his career, but Nancy takes Carson’s microphone away and says he’s boring her. Carson tells us Nancy and Tristan are going to Tango, and I jump up and start doing a happy dance on top of the coffee table (great visual, right?).
     And Tango they did! Have mercy. It seems to be the same choreography basically from The Talk, but with different music (thank you). This is where I was reduced to incoherent speech and could manage to mumble only things like “hot, hot, hot,” “different music,” “sexy,” “those damn boots,” “holy crap,” “I wanna be Nancy,” "wowza," and "hubba hubba hubba."  You get the picture. I would pay good money to take Nancy’s place and do that little move where she leans against him and flings her leg over his hip….and I’m not saying any more on that subject.
     Back to Carson who is doing his best Nancy impression and interviewing the boys while Nancy is “getting her hair did.” He introduces Maks and Val and then, using his best brogue, introduces Tristan. Maks says Tristan is going to be the third Chmerkovskiy brother. I think Tristan said more and talked faster than I’ve ever heard him – just to keep Nancy quiet. He says is going to go to Ireland to “see me family and me friends”. Maks makes fun of the accent, and Carson says that listening to Tristan is like watching Oliver, the musical.  Maks and Val continue to laugh at Tristan when he talks about going to Ireland and seeing “me nannies, me aunties, and me uncles.”  Tristan says he hasn’t been home for the holidays for 5 or 6 years and that he would probably have a few pints of Guiness – and whiskey. 

     They talk about being first year pros, and Tristan explains how they are constantly learning from other pros and their own celebrity partner. Of course, Nancy starts making faces and mouthing off behind him and he pushes her behind him and keeps talking.  He gets all sweaty and red in the face, and then Nancy brings up the sweat.  Geez, she has to be a MacManiac. She goes on about the female viewers wanting to “unleash the Tristan inside of you” or some such nonsense.  I swear it was me talking.  Carson asks Tristan if when he is out on the street, if women recognize him and tell him they love him. Tristan say, sadly but no, but Maks announces that Tristan will be going out the front door of the studio soon if the ladies are interested.  Uh, yeah. I am first in line, by the way.
     They are asked what they would be if not a pro on DWTS.  Tristan says he has done a bit of everything.  Nancy says Maks and Val could teach Tristan how to be a heartthrob (I don’t think he needs lessons, Nancy) and she reiterates that “he’s obviously the best dancer in the world.” They babble on about Tristan’s chest, and Nancy says, “What are you doing with his chest hair? Leave it alone!. Carson, you, too” and then pulls Tristan's jacket closed.  [Nancy has clearly been reading our blog].      
     To finish things off, Val plays the violin. I’m sure it was brilliant, but honestly, I was typing furiously so that I didn’t forget a Tristan and Nancy moment. A lot of rampant thoughts were running through my head during the final few minutes, and we keep hearing about the new moves Nancy will be trying out with Carson, Maks, Tristan, etc.

     I think I can safely assume that Tristan MacManus just won over a whole lot more fans last night, and other than those of us who are requiring some time to recuperate, he didn’t lose a single MacManiac due to either shock or cardiac arrest.  We’re a mature group, after all.  Regardless, I predict our numbers are going to increase suddenly, and I nominate Nancy to be our Chairman of the Board because where would we today without her? A pathetic, simpering mess, I imagine.

     So while you exist in a Tristan-induced state of lust and euphoria, I encourage you to listen to “You Sexy Thing” and tell me that’s not a great title for Nancy’s “Dancing” special.