We admit it. Season 15 had a spectacular ending because it was unexpected, and we screamed louder than anybody when Tony and Melissa won. We are still a little bitter that Tristan and Pamela really didn’t get a chance this season, and some people on the show haven’t been very nice with their comments – even recently. So we’re bringing out our Season 15 awards, and as you can tell by their title, we might just be a little snarky, but that's okay. Agree or not, this is how we saw the season. Overall, it was a huge disappointment for many reasons, but the end result was actually kind of wonderful.
And so the awards begin:
Worst Use of a Towel On Any Occasion - Gilles. We need therapy as a result. We will also be sending him the bill.
Best Announcement of a Winner – Ever – Tom Bergeron. His own joy almost equaled that of Tony and Melissa.
The Team that Won Over the Most Fans – Tony and Melissa - Week after week the mighty fell and we were left with Derek and Shawn, Val and Kelly, and Tony and Melissa. For most of us, it was a no-brainer, and yes, we do believe it was a landslide.
The That Was Not Very Nice Award – To ABC for leaving Tristan and Pamela (and Mark and Bristol) out of team dance reprisals. We don’t care how many people were supposed to be in it; either do it fairly or not at all.
The That Was Not Very Nice Award 2 – Leaving Pamela out of Dance Center. Boo.
The That Was Actually Kind of Icky Award – Val for even thinking of ever wearing a Speedo, particularly on live national television. Surfer dudes don’t surf in Speedos – that would be a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, so go for a little authenticity. Board shorts would be good although still questionable for a Flamenco - even a Surfer Flamenco. Dancing in a Speedo is just wrong.
The Red Swimsuit Was Clever But The Only Baywatch Babe on DWTS Is Pamela Anderson - Kelly Monaco for giving it a good try but nobody wears it better than Ms. Pamela.
The We Wanna Have Legs Like Her Award - Melissa Rycroft. We wouldn’t mind having those abs either. She has a kid and also a six pack. We have kids and, um, well.....don't.
The Welcome Back Sizzling Hot Chemistry Award – We really missed seeing Tristan and Kym dance in Season 14, but boy, oh boy, they made up for it in Season 15. From start to finish it was a big old chemical reaction, and we loved it! More, please.
The Should Have Been in the Finals Award – Apolo and Karina. This was obvious.
The GImme a Ringer So I Can Finally Get An Encore Performance Award – Tristan MacManus
The Gimme A Ringer So I Can Finally Get the Pimp Spot Award – Tristan MacManus
The We Ain’t Buyin’ What Your Sellin’ Award – Val and Kelly’s Showmance – We must not have been watching what some others were watching because we never saw a real sexy chemistry with these two. Kelly is an actress, and Val looked dazed most of the time – not in lust, love, or in heat. Just out of it.
The Dances That Should Never, Ever Be Performed Again on DWTS or Anywhere Else - Knight Rider Bhangra, Caveman Hustle, Surfer Flamenco. The Espionage Lindy Hop and the Big Top Jazz were kind of fun though.
The If You Don’t Follow the Rules You’re Gonna Be Toast Award – Derek and Shawn for the Quickstep, Part 1 and Part 2.
The Overuse of Extras – Derek and Shawn for the Freestyle - Honestly? The Fierce 5 It didn’t add anything. It’s weird because it made the performance less memorable than it could have been. We remember Shawn’s freestyle with Mark because it was all about the dancing; we don’t remember the Derek and Shawn freestyle for anything more than one great non-dancing related trick and some gymnastics.
The Oh No You Didn’t Award and The You’ll Never Be On the Cover of GQ Award – Tie: Gilles and the “viewing” during the Gangnam Style team dance and Val stripping down to a Speedo – which was bad enough but laughable when you see Gilles in a towel while wearing black dance shoes. Same with Val. Um, that was the best part. Those black shoes. Probably had socks on too. We always wear socks and dance shoes when surfin’ or showerin’.
The Best Use of Extras Award – Tristan MacManus and Pamela Anderson who had the good sense to bring out the sexy for their finale performance and brought tons of eye candy along for the journey: Sasha Farber, Henry Byalikov, Armen Way, Serge Onik, and Sonny Pedersen. Rewind anyone?
The Annoying, um, Brilliant Performer We never want to see again on DWTS – Justin Bieber.
The Please Don’t Exhale Or the Girls Will Escape Award – Sabrina and Shawn. Geez Louise. We were afraid on multiple occasions that there were going to be major wardrobe malfunctions.
Worst Costuming Decisions In the History Of DWTS – Tie: Peta and Val. All we can say is “Enough skin already.”
Best Costuming Decisions In the History Of DWTS – Tristan MacManus. Well, yeah, he was only on one week this season, but he picked a memorable costume. The ones for the finale dance were pretty memorable too.
Best Costuming Decisions In Season 15 That Didn't Involve Tristan MacManus – Cheryl Burke. She made some amazing choices this season that were perfect both for Emmitt and for her.
The Tweeter of the Year Award – Tristan MacManus for not annoying us by clogging our timelines with repetitive crap and retweets. We unfollowed many pros and troupe members as a result. We no likey the endless retweets.
The You Should Have Been In the Final 5 Award – Melissa and Tony, Apolo and Karina, Drew and Anna, Shawn and Derek, and Helio and Chelsie. Of course, we believe Tristan and Pamela should be there because we’re loyal like that, but in our humble opinion, this is how those final 5 should have ended up if you take Pamela and Tristan out of the equation.
There you have it. You probably can't wait for our Season 16 Awards.