A special thanks goes out to the research assistance provided by our own Azline Dancer who made sure that we knew what we were talking about when referring to coconuts and seashells. No coconut bras were inadvertently used in this blog, thanks to her. Love you, AD!
We’ve said it before, and we’re saying it again. Each time Tristan MacManus dances, he performs on a stage and becomes a character. Every dance he choreographs or participates in tells a story with a developing plot: introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, and conclusion. Thus, he is an actor who is simultaneously telling a story and playing a role on the stage, and through the choreography, intricacy of movements, appropriate facial expressions, and unexpected but perfectly chosen costumes, he transforms himself into someone else. We could blither on about the perfection and elegance of his dancing, his beautiful lines, and unbelievable extension because every movement has a purpose in the development of the character. Sure, we could do that, but we’re not going to. We’re going to give you our take on the characters – where they come from, where they are going, and what inspires them. We’re exploring the inner psyche of these strong, handsome men (even the creepy ones), and we’re going to show you just where Tristan got his inspiration for his Season 13 characters. Okay, so we have no idea where he got his inspiration, and we are absolutely making every bit of this up. We took a lot of creative liberties, poked a lot of fun, and went way out there for most of these. Writers do that, so write away we did.
We even wondered which character was closest to the real Tristan and after much discussion and debate, we decided that we have absolutely no clue about the real Tristan, and that’s not important. What’s important is that he managed to convince us that he is the character he portrays; he’s just that good.
So for the next few minutes (or hours, depending on how much we have to say), we invite you to explore the characters from Season 13 – the characters as only they can be portrayed by the delicious Irishman, Tristan MacManus.
The character created here is a flirty, naughty rascal: he is unpretentious and seemingly shy, but we know better. We might have misjudged him at the beginning because he appears to be a little reluctant to go after what he wants, but it takes mere seconds for him to begin to relentlessly pursue the beautiful woman he desires. Meet Bentley Bumtapper. He’s charming, he’s charismatic, he’s handsome, and he’s deceptively innocent because he wears boyfriend suspenders that would look silly on anybody else on the planet. From beginning to end, young Bentley charms his audience, and women of all ages decide he is the one they want. He embodies both the seemingly shy young man and the naughty rascal - all because of a damn pair of suspenders. They are probably magical or something because they have hypnotized the majority of women in America (and elsewhere) into thinking they are 21 again. Yeah, us included. So Bentley, you might have been on your knees at the end of that delicious performance, but we know it’s just part of your charm.
He is light on his feet; fun and flirty is his middle name. Think Bewitching in Brown. Brown isn’t usually a color I would associate with fun and flirty but the costume’s sheen was nearly hypnotic. Think a leading man, a genuine movie star who is secure enough in his masculinity to walk the red carpet in that brown suit exuding self-assurance, confidence, and sex appeal. Think about magnetic presence, and it all makes sense. We don’t need to go on and wax poetic here because the more you see him, the more you love him. He has a spring in his step like no other and he probably wrote the syllabus for Quickstep 101 through Advanced Quickstep Instruction. You get it. Nobody does it better.
Here we have the sprightly, yet precise and unassuming ladykiller. With lightning fast feet and posture that never, ever diminishes, he makes us gasp. We give you the leading man, the character who brings it beginning to end, the handsome traveler who isn’t afraid to seduce on the dance floor as he dips the leading lady waaaaaay back and reaches for her thigh and pulls it seductively – north, shall we say. Okay, we’re done now. Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you Twinkle Toes himself. He’s dashing, he’s debonair, and he is occasionally known as Dash Debonair. His stage name is T. Quick MacFeet.
He is as smooth as silk. He propels his partner across the floor with such ease, grace, and finesse that she feels as though she is dancing on the lightest of clouds. He takes her to a time gone by when the waltz was pure and technically sound, and bumping and grinding weren’t in the dance history books. (Not that there’s anything wrong with bumping and grinding, but it really doesn’t work well with the waltz). The ice blue of the costumes is reminiscent of the sky of a beautiful day with the wispiest of clouds dancing across the heavens.
Every move is precise to the nth degree, and he wrote the textbook entitled “How to Arouse, Tease, and Seduce Through the Slow Waltz.” Do you remember when we mentioned rising action, climax, and falling action? It’s all there. Watch it and see if we’re not right. He is called Simon Suave by those who know him (no relation whatsoever to the swarmy lounge singer Rico Suave). Our ethereal Simon reminds us of an angel gracing us mortals with his presence. His breathtakingly and deceptively simple steps both transfix and mesmerize. Authorities in dance have nicknamed him Gabriel MacCloud.
This matador is able to turn chest hair haters into drooling love slaves in less than thirty seconds. Our handsome young matador gives us the obvious definition of a real man; he’s already taken care of el toro and is now taking down the pesky cape. Not the least bit intimidated by the bull or the cape, he proves his masculinity is never even remotely threatened. In fact he is so multi-dimensional and enormously talented that he has already taken the red cape from a previous bullfight (or capefight) and made it into a jacket. He made a slight error, however (fortunately for us), as he misjudged his own size and made it for a man of lesser, uh, chestliness. The thing wouldn’t even close in the front. Darn it. So we give you the Man With the Chest. He already has multiple awards to prove it. Do you get where we are going with this? He’s studly, he’s powerful, he fights that damn cape to the death. Meet Manolo (Blahnik) the Matator. By the way, this nickname comes from the fact that he is a shoe designer in his spare time when he’s not decked out in his matadorial splendor. Between the whole shoe thing and the studliness of the matador, he has the women all over him. All the time. They stand in line at Neiman Marcus; they stand in line at the arena.
Before we can continue with the description, we just want to say, “Ooooooo. Man, that’s hot.”
Every woman loves a little bit of the bad boy in her man, and from the opening flirtatious wink until his delicious dip of the blonde beauty at the end, we fall a little more in love with him. And isn’t that exactly what is supposed to happen? He can't help that he's a total flirt; it’s in his nature, but he really is a nice guy at heart in spite of the bad boy persona. He isn’t afraid to go after his woman and win her back; no way is his masculinity threatened by anything he does. He begs, he pleads, he embraces, he captivates as he runs his fingers through her hair, he seduces, he smiles, he cajoles, and he wins. He likes to break up to make up.....Rumba Style.
No woman can turn away from the slight twist of the lips. No woman can avoid looking into his deep seductive eyes. No woman can resist a partial trust fall into his muscular, tattooed arms even when she wants to clock him. And no woman in her right mind could possibly resist those hips. Oh crap. We mean that no woman can resist that little bit of James Dean bad boy that shows its influence in every gesture and every movement. Yeah, that’s what we meant. So we give you, the one and only J. D. Swivelhips.
This gorgeous ladies’ man can charm the pants off (not literally) of women around the globe. Okay, so maybe literally is the right word. His charisma and stage presence are unmatched. This boyish hunkster has an optimism that is contagious, an outlook on life that revolves around the beautiful woman he whisks around the dance floor with such ease. He radiates sunbeams but he also is a perfect combination of sexiness and good humor. He isn’t a Rico Suave lounge singer, nor is he a dumber than a rock bonehead. Instead, he is a red-hot blend of everything a woman wants – a bit of cheekiness, a lot of light-hearted humor, an abundance of earthy sex appeal. He isn’t afraid to show what he wants by falling at his woman’s feet or by letting the word see that even a hard floor of the castle itself, Camelot, can’t keep him down. A big whack on the head? Big deal.
Just as his character has so many different identities, so does Sir Tristan Seducesalot. It’s not surprising that Tristan indicated it was one of his favorite dances of the season because the costume had personal meaning. Then there’s that thing that he wanted to make his beautiful partner a topless mermaid with seashells being the only adornment on, uh, the front but some people would have no part of that and they had to settle for rhinestones on fabric. And man, oh man, he is a virtuoso on the coconuts. He is obviously a beach knight with an affinity for those shells and coconuts. Please allow us to introduce you to the newly knighted Sir Tristan of the Sand.
The Group Dance
Some call him Worthington Getswhateverhewants. This rich boy knows what he wants, and he wants the best. He wants experience and sensuality. He is all about the Madame, and the Madame is all about a man with some swagger. The Madame has fine tastes as well, and when it comes to proving you've got experience and more panache than those sweet young things, she shows them how it’s done. She does an effortless handstand onto Worthington’s, uh, face, and he effortlessly flips her and tosses her lightly onto her feet. They are the perfect pair, and everyone else can eat their hearts out. And we do believe that's just what happened because everybody was envious of the man who has mastered the saunter. The man who hips spoke volumes in those, shall we say, thrusts, up to the lovely ladies. The man and the character who controlled the performance beginning to end and made us all screech, “I’M YOURS” as he raises his arms up joyfully into the air.
It seems only fitting that we call this fascinating man Mick Swagger.
This seriously alpha-male leading man is the embodiment of a scary dude we like to call “The Devil you Say”. Better known as Mephistopheles from the Faust legend, this isn’t quite the whole story. Did you think he was always like that? He’s really Leroy from Mississippi and is Leroy by day, Mephistopheles by night. Our country boy Leroy had a run-in with a big bad voodoo daddy who gave Leroy some magical powers. Even though he got just a little “badder” (yeah, we know it should say ‘worse’ instead of “badder” but it doesn’t have the same ring to it) during the daylight hours. So now as each day progresses, he develops some fierce foot work and some major flicks and kicks. Our demon uses this to his advantage and lures the women with his devilishly alarming speedy feet and his seductive jive moves. When a man moves that fast, there’s no stopping him.
And who would want to stop him anyway? We call him “The Devil Who Went Dancin’.”
In this Crazy Like A Fox Team Tango, we bring you our Straight Jacket Lady Killer (S. J. Ladykiller, for short), and this dude is crazy. There is just no delicate way to say it. After all, his everyday attire consists of a straight jacket, and while it is quite fashionable and attractive on those individuals requiring it, it is still a straight jacket and just a bit alarming and over-the-top for everyday wear. The bottom line is that he’s a lady killer. Probably literally. Maybe we’ll just leave him to his tango before he goes back to his padded room with his little friends Nutty Nancy, Kooky Kym, Daffy David, and Juiced JR. We’re not sure what landed them all in the asylum, but we do know that he went crazy after being dumped by Nutty Nancy and in his perpetual delusional state, he thinks he’s still dancing with her. And not dancing the hokey pokey or the chicken dance either, but the Tango????? He refuses to tell us his real name, and we’ve kind of gotten used to him like this, and we’re afraid of you, Mr. S. J. Ladykiller. But you’re still hot.
Sexy, seductive, and sizzling red hot, we give you 0014. No, no, no, you say. The super spy was 007 as in Bond. James Bond. Yeah, okay, that’s fine for your typical everyday spy dude, but our spy is 0014. Why, you ask? It’s simple. He’s not 007 because he’s twice as hot as Bond. James Bond. He is twice as deadly, twice as pissed off by the fact that the Naughty Lady of Shady Lane wasn’t exactly eager to run off and be naughty with him, yet he remained twice as determined to win her over. In fact, the mystery continues as the dancing drama unfolds. He becomes the aggressor and the seducer, but then the pretty one does the same. Hmmmm. This is a conundrum. I think that little drama is still in progress.
By the way, he needs no other name. Just 0014 will do. We wondered what name he uses when signing his checks to pay bills and file his tax returns, and then we remembered. 0014 is a super spy and always carries around big wads of cash. It’s his way. All that other stuff is for regular people.
MyGoldSpatsLookBetterthanYourSpats is his name. This name identifies and describes him because his gold spats do look better than, well, those other spats. He is a distant cousin of our quickstep friend T. Quick MacFeet (Dash Debonair), but this one has the crazy legs in the family. We mean really, really serious crazy legs. Kind of like Gumby but with style, grace, and finesse, if that’s possible. Some call him T. Jaunty Jive, his partner calls him The Red Hot Jive (and love) Machine. The rest of us just wonder how in the blazes his feet and legs can really move that fast. He’s way more of a wild child than cousin Dash – perfectly symbolized by the confidence exemplified by his stark black shirt and pants worn with just the right touch - the loosely draped gold tie. Not just any man can pull that off. Let’s not forget how he fearlessly leaps over his golden lady and beckons her to follow by crooking his finger at her while swaying his hips seductively. He flings the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand and captivates his woman – and the audience – with a remarkable jive performance. Mr. GoldSpats,etc. is a sexy and spontaneous ladies’ man who can think, literally, on his feet.
And there you have it. The characters from Season 13 as created by Tristan. Nobody described it better than Nancy herself when she said these words about her DWTS partner:
..“handsome, but, when the music starts, it’s like someone sprinkled magic on him and he makes a complete transformation.”