How To Do A Trio Dance
1. Pro #1 picks the pro with the most fans (anybody going to argue with us?), the most charisma (face it - nobody else comes close), the most charm (nope – not a single argument), and the most sex appeal (pro #2 consistently hits this one out of the ballpark). This means that the ladies both adore and drool over him, and the guys respect him because he's fun, entertaining, and well, a guy who does guy stuff. He has a twinkle in his eye and somehow hypnotizes, seduces, tantalizes, and teases with no more than a glance. In other words, you just cannot resist him and thus, he’s the perfect pick to draw in the ladies, elevate the attention quotient, and get more people tuning in than ever before. It’s pure logic, and you should never argue with logic.
2. Pro #1 makes sure that his celebrity partner loves the second pro. This might be a bit redundant, but when the beautiful female celebrity probably has a teensy little crush on Pro #2 – just like every other human female - it’s a given that this is the right turn to take on the highway. Okay so that’s a lousy metaphor; you still know where I’m going with his. The single smartest move of all the pros in the selection of the pro to assist in the trio dance was by none other than Mark Ballas, and who would have thought I would have ever said something like that? About Mark Ballas. But times are clearly a- changin'.
3. Pro #1 evaluates the potential chemistry when choosing #Pro #2. He has to ensure that the celebrity and pro #2 hit it off. Uh yeah. They hit it off so well that a statement was made by one reporter that went something like this: Katherine cries tears of joy and gratitude and flings her arms around Tristan first, then Mark. Yep, Katherine and Tristan would’ve been an amazing combo. She’s not the only one that recognized the chemistry between Pro #2 and the beautiful celebrity – so much chemistry in fact that you wonder how powerful a complete performance would be with this particular pro (also known as the Irish Love Doctor) and this particular celerity. Explosive seems like a bit of an understatement when you could see sparks flying everywhere. Or maybe my life was flashing before my eyes as I watched all those chemical reactions taking place.
4. Pick the pro who is better than anyone else in telling a story. Every action, deed, and gesture has a meaning. Every smile, frown, and wince is part of the storyline. Make no mistake about it; the storyline is important and when you have a potential Oscar winning screenplay available, you take advantage of it and pick the best screenwriter.
5. Make sure that Pro #2 is chosen because after all, he wrote the instructional manual on how to turn up the heat in a dance that is usually fun and flirty and not, shall we say, dead sexy like this one turned out to be.
6. Make sure that Pro #2 is the real “sex on a stick” and not just a pro claiming to be the same.
7. Choose the pro who wrote the instructional manual on hip action. I’m fairly sure I saw such a title online: “How to properly entice the ladies with some seductive hip movement.” It was written by the Irish Love Doctor, of course, and as one of my twitter followers said about this pro: "I have never seen a non Latino move that way! #calienteTristanMacManus."
8. Choose the pro who can teach the class on how to do important stuff life like the following: walk, talk, breathe, wiggle, shimmy, shake, and mess with handcuffs (another story).
9. Add a clever twist. The 2 male pros master the glare, rock the sunglasses, pull off the Secret Service meets Men In Black look, and somehow manage to transform themselves from super spies into lean, mean, fighting, dancing, breathtaking masculine perfection machines (particularly pro #2).
10. Choreograph the dance of “catch me if you can.” With the one handsome man (pro #1) and one drop dead gorgeous stunner of a hunk (pro #2) and the beautiful, but wily boss/woman in charge/ etc., things were bound to heat up. Heat it up, keep it hot, and let it slowly simmer. And simmer they did. The spark became a low flame, the low flame led to a simmer, and before you know it, we had a slow burn that stopped just short of setting the ballroom on fire. This seductive little game of cat and mouse was a smoldering hot comedic performance that somehow worked.
11. With precise steps, you seduce the lady, try to fight off the competition, and in the most endearing moment yet, you manage to bungle it enough to handcuff yourself to your competition instead of the lady, letting her somehow slip away. Every super spy has to have a weak moment. So you’re not perfect after all. That’s okay. In the most ironic of all ironies, a few imperfections are what make you perfect. Your “uh oh” moment turned very quickly into an “Oh yeah, baby” moment that will not be quickly forgotten.
And there you have it. This is how you do a Trio Dance. Everybody else? Watch and learn.In case you're wondering, the adventure will continue when Agent Mack Smolders escapes and pursues the lady in question – alone this time….