Those Little Things That Drive MacManiacs Crazy

The title is self-explanatory.  Now it's time to get down to business.  These are just a few of the important things that drive MacManiacs crazy.

1. Apparently the term “chillax” hits a nerve, so you probably don’t want to say that to a MacManiac. Otherwise, the expression MacLunatic might be more apropos than you think.

2. If you go to McDonalds because you crave a Frappé and the machine is down. Or if you go to McDonalds for the seasonal Shamrock Shake and the machine is down. That’s just not right. MacManiacs are supposed to be able to get sugary drinks whenever we want them.  It’s one of the basic food groups and a required frequent beverage consumption.

3. Not that this beverage thing is going to be a trend, but if you go to Starbucks for a Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino and they are out of cookie crumble, it just might set off a MacManiac.  This really has nothing to do with dancing other than all that sugar makes you want to Samba or Jive so we consider a DCCFWCC (double chocolate chip frappuccino with cookie crumble) to be dance inspiration.  Or false courage.

4. Now on to the more serious issues at hand. Have we mentioned that we are not happy that Tristan wasn't a DWTS pro for Season 18?  Not only wasn’t he a pro with a celebrity partner, he was the one pro who has (as someone said on our forum) picked up the dues tab for every other pro in DWTS history and deserved not only to be back but to be back with a contender.  It still rankles, and yes, we’re still pissed off, and we will probably be harping on it for a long time.  He could have filled any of the six male pro spots and filled them admirably and yet…

5. Guest judges. Tristan was right. In one interview we asked him what he thought about the possibility of guest judges, and he said that he didn’t see what purpose they would serve, particularly with the once a week show where time is at a premium.  He thought the idea of someone judging solely for the entertainment value might be the only workable solution.  Instead we got a hodgepodge bunch of judges that didn’t add anything, didn’t take away anything, and didn’t say anything of note.  Boring annoys us.

6. The rudeness that goes on all over  social media.  Wow.  There is some serious whining, bad-mouthing, foul-tempered cursing, and “holier than thou” crap that goes on every week, but it’s worse on show nights.  And it’s coming from some of the fan twitters.  It might be different if the whining and sour grapes went on behind closed doors but when you have followers who read that – and the followers might be from another fan base – well, that’s just bad form.

7. We admit that many of us aren’t watching Season 18 because, let’s face it, without Tristan MacManus the season is a bit of a dud in many respects, but we have captured enough of it, watched enough You Tube videos, and seen enough miscellaneous footage to know a crapload of manipulation and crazy-ass scoring when we see it.  We probably don’t need to explain. It’s smacked us all in the face many times by now.

8. When you pay good money for dance lessons because you’re pretty sure you’re going to wow Tristan when you take that private lesson with him….and you end up with 47 left feet to go along with the sweaty palms and sugar rush from having ice cream before (and after) your lesson with the Professor.

9. The very oddball assignment of dances on DWTS.  We’re all about mixing it up but Jazz and Contemporary taught by pros who may or may not know what Jazz and Contemporary are and then judged by judges who may or may not know what Jazz and Contemporary are is just flat out annoying. Then we get some celebrities getting to dance both Jazz and Contemporary because the pro presumably knows how to teach it – sort of (we have our doubts) - and then others get neither (Meryl and Maks for instance) because presumably Maks might not want to teach it or it might not be up Meryl’s alley or maybe the producers think it gives some advantages to certain pairs.

10. The way DWTS has gotten away from its winning formula and turned into a mess.  We despised Season 15 but this one is way worse. The scoring is inconsistent to the extreme, the technique of the performers seems to have been reduced to the bottom of the teaching curriculum so that we can have flash and flair.  How about holding the old frame and having consistently great posture and nice arms?

11. Ordering a black iced coffee at McDonalds and getting one with enough cream in it to harden one's arteries and make one’s ass bigger than a barn. This is how the conversation goes:

McD’s:  Do you want that with cream and sugar?
Me: No, I want it black.  No cream.  No sugar.
Me (looking at the light brown beverage): This has cream in it.
McD’s: Then why didn’t you say so before I made it?
Me:  I did.
McD’s:  “loud exasperated sigh.”

Annoying.

12.  Theme Weeks on DWTS are the definition of annoying.  Where shall we begin? They generally stink because there has been a trend to make those nights meaningless, frivolous, and ridiculous.  Latin Night should be all Latin Music.  American Icon Week should be American Icons.  Personal Stories week should be tossed and never be recycled again. Want to see the MacLunacy pendulum move to the danger zone? Bring back the most memorable year/personal stories drama-fest or ridiculous-fest that makes us think “this is the best they can do?”

13. Super-sized dances should be illegal. Get rid of them for once and for all.  If they can’t find something for the troupe to do, then get rid of the troupe and let the pros take back their show. Honestly, the troupe’s role this season has gone from “why are they here” to “really, why are they here.”  Super-sized freestyles hit a nerve, but the way random dances have been tossed into random performances in a misguided effort to look like a weak imitation of Burn the Floor or Ballroom With a Twist….well, it makes us crazy. Really crazy.

14. Things that make our eyes bleed also make us crazy – such as the obsession certain pros have with showing off the goods. We’re not saying who, but let’s just say if we wanted to see all that or if we wanted to worry about whether or not a costume would reveal more than is permissible on what is supposed to be a family show, we could go to a strip club.  Since we’re not inclined to go to a strip club, just put the damn clothes back on, please, and we won’t go crazy.  Also, boys, keep those chests covered please. There is such a glare from those slick chests on open-shirt/take off the shirt night that we are facing retinal detachment.

15. Team Names.  Whatever happened to simple and classy? Some of this season’s names make us nauseous and in need of those little bags provided on airplanes.  For once ABC had the right idea.  Team Charlie, Team Diana, Team King of the Universe (oh wait, we mean Team Tristan or Team WhoeverHisPartnerWas SupposedToBeForSeason18).

16. The poor misguided souls who decided to use the Sam’s Club surplus of aluminum foil for the backdrop for this season’s cast photos.  We get annoyed with crap like that. How will we ever cover our Thanksgiving turkeys since DWTS used all the aluminum foil? (This observation was stolen from a forum member who first mentioned the problem.)

17. Fact. Very few pros even mentioned Tristan’s absence this season. What’s up with that? Pisses. Us. Off.  MacLunatics to the extreme.

18. Ringers. This is a common element of annoyance among my fellow MacLunatics.  If ABC wants ringers, fine. Have a season of ringers so that the scale is balanced.  Not Val’s fault, but seriously? Ringer after ringer after ringer after ringer.  If ABC wants old and young each season, fine.  Give the older celebrities to the pros who have never had them.  Peta, Val Derek, Mark…..  We’re not talking old being 35, 40, 45, or 50.  Talk to us when you’ve partnered somebody 70 years old.

19.  The fact that the MacLunatics aren’t on a rotation for the hosting spot alongside Tom.  (This was another forum member suggestion which we deem to be brilliant).  We would bring intelligence, wit, sarcasm, an abundance of snarkiness, and our collection of Tristan MacManus photos, videos, and t-shirts just for the occasion.  We’re classy like that.

Had enough yet? No worries.  We have a forum thread entitled “Centralized Venting” where we bitch about anything and everything and there are more than 275 comments and 3600 views of it already.  Yeah, we’re on a roll.

This is just the beginning.  Wait until we really get going.